Lost In The Rain On Desolation Row -With
Bob Dylan’s Highway 61 Revisited In
Mind
By Jack
Callahan
“I’ve met
Einstein disguised as Robin Hood, I’ve been in the tower with Ezra Pound and
T.S. Eliot, “declared Robert South to no one in particular although Jake Devine
was the only one in the room at the time. With those words Jake, Jake known as
Jake since childhood to distinguish him from John Devine, Senior although his
father a genial Irishman addicted to sports betting and drinking whiskey not
always in that order was more the slap on the back Jake type while Jake in the
throes of his high hippie moments was trying to shed that moniker for his new
identity one Be-Bop Benny but old habits die hard and his old high school
friends called him Jake and when he went on the hitchhike road west with them
in 1965,1966 the name stuck whether he liked it or not, knew that Robert was
two things-one, high as a kite on either speed or LSD just then the drug of
choice among the “hip” (not always the same as Hippie but Jake did not want to
argue the fine points on that one since he himself had been on a two day black
beauty speed high-low) on the mind-expanding conscious West Coast cohort of the
brethren and two, Robert had been listening to the whole of Bob Dylan’s Desolation Row at least once, probably
more than once if he was high since he would not have had the stamina to switch
the sound system that Captain Crunch had installed in their “digs” now that
they were off the road for the winter and settled into Pablo’s mansion. By the
way in compensation for being called
Jake by one and all on the bus, of which more in a minute, he had gathered some
sense of respect because his latest flame, a serious “hippie chick” met on the
road at Big Sur as they were heading south, Frilly Jilly, called him Be-Bop
Benny, called him a few other things
once they high on grass, you know marijuana,
got down to the “do the do,” a term the guys still carried with them
from the corner days in Riverdale after they had heard the bluesman Howlin’
Wolf do a song with those words in it, those words meaning hitting the sheets,
having sex, what she called him in her high hormonal moments was left to
them.
Yeah, Robert, Jimmy Jenkins, Frank Riley, and
a guy, Josh Breslin, they met from a mill town in Maine on Russian Hill in San
Francisco where they were camped out in a small park when he stopped by the bus
and asked for a joint had been on quite a ride since coming West to see what it
was all about and were learning quickly it was all about “drugs, sex and rock
and roll” at its core but also about getting out from under the old ways of
thinking and living. So when they hit Frisco they headed like lemmings to the
sea to Golden Gate Park where all the hell was breaking loose met a few guys
who “turned them on,” got them invited to a few parties, including one Captain
Crunch was throwing around the new yellow brick road bus that he had just
purchased (allegedly in a trade for a big sack of dope but all the time they
were on the bus they never had that rumor confirmed by the Captain or anybody
else and mainly it didn’t matter by then). This bus was nothing but an old
school bus that had been turned into a moving commune after the seats had been
torn out, mattresses thrown down, a storage area for family living material
like utensils, dishes, and pots and pans, the thing had been repainted in every
day-glo psychedelic color under the sun
and best of all hooked up with a great sound system Dippy Mike, the guy who did
the sound system for Fillmore West and the Dead, put together for any trips
they would take.
And almost
from the start at Golden Gate Park the trips began once Captain had selected
the Riverdale boys as part of his crew to head south with him. The reason for
that heading south, the reason Robert was holding forth those lines from Desolation Row was to “house-sit” here
in La Jolla at this mansion that belonged to Pablo Rios, a friend of the
Captain’s and a serious south of the border drug dealer who was in Mexico for
the winter and the Captain had agreed to doing the sitting as we got into “winter
quarters.” Now that the bus was not being used, was being refitted with a new
engine and so not useable, the sound system had been transferred to the house
for the weekly parties the Captain threw for his friends (and whoever happened
to hear about the event and knew where to find the place, not as easy as it
sounds when stoned in hideaway between the cliffs La Jolla).
Robert, once
settled in, once he got his own room with his lady-friend, Lavender Minnie, got
heavily into the dope, got heavily into listening to the amped up music and
Jake thought he had begun, like they had all heard about with kids who did too
much dope, to go over the edge.
Just as Jake
thought that thought Robert rag out again with “they’re selling postcards of
the hanging, they’re painting the passports brown,” and Jake knew that Robert
had gone for the next plus minutes to his own world. Eleven plus minutes if he
was lucky, since more than once Robert had decided that he needed to give his
own take on what the whole thing meant, what the various references meant to
him. For example that business with Ezra Pound and T.S. Eliot, the two exile
poets who almost single-handedly broke from the old forms and created modern
poetry and were treated like gods among the hip at one point was Dylan throwing
on the gauntlet, telling those guys a new sheriff was in town. Well, maybe, if
you think Dylan was a lyric poet rather than a song-writer, or maybe put the
two together. For example that postcards of the hanging stuff was his political
moment like Billie Holiday had with Strange
Fruit about the scandalous open lynching of black men in the South put
together with a new sense of masculinity turned in on itself with sailor boys
caught out on the seven seas who transformed themselves in boy-girls with those
all male crews. For example that stuff about Ophelia, you know Hamlet’s chick
and how she was giving up the ghost (committing suicide) not because of some
lost love but because she was pregnant and was not sure who the father was.
For
example….but Jake knew Robert was merely babbling, merely going through the
numbers and beside, taking another sweet swift hit of meth to jet fuel those
two black beauties that had kicked in hours ago he had his own “take” on those
lyrics and with the “fake” wisdom brought on by the speed, which would bring
hours of high and low thoughts he started to write some stuff down (he would
say later so he would not forget it since the thoughts were flying fast and
furious just then) and as he drifted into himself here is what came out on
those stained yellow legal pad sheets that held whatever was written on
them….
I have to
admit Robert was on to something, something sinister and devilish in the
American psyche but he was dead wrong on what that “postcards of the hanging”
was about, who was being hanged and for what reason. Sure, Billie sang her
blessed, goddamn blessed junkie heart out and not just on Strange Fruit, sang her heart out until near the end and the dope, the
hop got the best of her voice and her psyche. Sure I would have seen the fixer man for her
if she would just sing one more song to chase my blues away, make them sail
into this freaking Pacific wind to the China seas reminding me that many a lost
high white note found its way along that path blowing out from North Beach
joints but Strange Fruits that dirge
to what the fuck was going on in the damn Mister James Crow South during her
times, hell ours too since there is a loss of train of thought when Billie
couldn’t squeeze anymore life out of the needle and put the lights of New Jack
City out in the shade and my running around in cracker North Adamsville trying to
drum up books, can you believe this, books for little black kids, then Negro, now
Afro-American is gaining currency, but black, black as night like Billie with
that sweet orchid hair in god-forsaken Alabama where goddam, Nina Simone was
right, goddam hell was breaking loose and Mississippi was burning, burning
white stick crosses and white steepled churches, Baptist churches too but it
might as well have been some mongrel Buddha swings congregation because the
flame was going down in Negro-town.
Yeah, Billie
sang it right, sang about that lonely stick figure, black, black as coal
swinging in the wind, head bent from that awful snapped neck which could be
heard back in the far reaches of the crowd where the children, the very white
children stood to learn about who was boss and who was crap, hell, shit in
Mister James Crow’s house and about how that lonely stick figure would provide
a brisk short-term trade in Mister Brady’s photograph emporium among the
fucking hillbilly white trash come to see yet another black man put to the
ground, going to see his maker if the fuckin n---ers [edited by Greg Green to
conform with publication policy around that “word” and its implications when
white guys, even white guys who scratched and cajoled around white bread, white bread, white trash
North Adamsville to get books, can you believe books for black schoolchildren
in heathen Alabama] had a maker, had their very own high Jehovah black as night
maker. No Mr. Bob, Mr. Dylan taking a righteous war name from drunken sot and
Welsh poet, maybe a welcher at the bar tab in the Village too meant to take a
look at some hand-press printed postcards of the hanging of the avenging angel,
the righteous son of that high Jehovah that made him and those sullen black
Baptists too, John Brown, Captain John Brown late of Kansas prairie fires and
Harpers Ferry fight(never sure whether there is an apostrophe between the “r”
and the “s” on Harpers so no) against the same bastards, against the fathers
and grandfathers of those white trash (and not just white trash either once you
took the hoods off if they bothered to put them on just to hang a lonely stick
figure n—ger, and you know what that coded word means for Miss Scarlett O’Hara
and her beau sweet boy Rhett, or her children, all who could be seen swarming
around those barren trees), and maybe great-grandfathers of those later
photographs per Mr. Brady who watched in heated glean at yet another example of
the rightness of keeping Mister James Crow’s laws in place, maybe forever…
…Hell, I
don’t know what to make of that “painting the passports brown” so somebody else
can figure that one out, maybe and I don’t think I would be that far off he was
just holy goof trying to get lyrical and maybe was too stoned to see that there
were no passports from those hanging trees…
Leave it to
Robert to get the sex stuff all mixed up, “the beauty parlors are filled with
sailors” part although he knew, flat out knew and I don’t know where from about
what really goes on in isolated male society [again by publication policy maybe
“isolated female society” like on the isle
of Lesbos), aboard ships with cozy dark bunks and several watches to do
whatever had to be done with sore asses and sore mouths a cause for doctor
looks when on land), in prisons where the cells are small and the lights are
dim with the howl of someone, some fresh young boy getting his baptism, his
deflowering, and of course, honey to the bee what they call in England public
schools but here for some reason private school where half of the British
ruling class, half the literati got their own de-flowerings. What he didn’t know,
maybe couldn’t know although we spent some time down in P-town, excuse me,
Provincetown, the kingdom of those guys who are “light on their feet,” fags,
sissies (the site manager said he would let this go even though it was a close
call) where we drunk as skunks would bash a few for sport for looking at us
with those hungry ravenous eyes was that the whole expression was coded, was
some Jean Genet Our Lady of the Flowers reference to “dilly boys,” the guys who hung
around the darkened wharves, the low-light taverns frequented by home-bound
sailors looking for a change of pace, looking for fresh new faces once they had
been deflowered, once they had had their share of sore, asses, sore mouths,
damn, sore cocks. What he didn’t realize was that not only sailors were lusting
for a workout with dilly boys but those public- school graduates were as well,
were searching for some rough trade. Here is what nobody knew, nobody wanted to
know running the whole show, running those dilly boys through their paces was none
other that Sherlock Holmes, yeah, the so-called parlor pink detective who
couldn’t open a bottle of wine without a page of instructions and his honey,
his girlfriend if that is the right way to say it [today husband if
married-boyfriend if not but that is what Josh wrote back then so onward] Doc
Watson, not the famous blind or whatever you call guy who lost his sight late
bluegrass star but some stumblebum backwater quack. They ran the rackets, dope,
robberies, women, dilly boys, art heists, everything that ran through London
while the public relations firm they hired to cover their asses, ha, literally,
shilled the story about how they were true blue to king and country (to the
stately queens of England too-another coded reference) fighting the much maligned
and heterosexual Doc Moriarty who almost thwarted these bastards before they
killed him.
The rumor
was that the whole thing started, the whole Holmes-Watson criminal enterprise
which was protected by men in high places in government, business and society,
you know those fellow public-school boys who worked the political racket when
Doc Watson went to the beauty parlor to get a fresh do so he would look nice
for Sherlock when they went on vacation to Scotland, some islands off the
coast, and ran into a couple of pretty sailors just off HMS Pinafore or some
such ship and were getting their do’s to look pretty for the rough trade
running through the notorious Black Lantern tavern, public house, okay, near
the notorious Clapper wharves. Doc pressed a couple of their buttons, showed
them some opium he was in legal possession of and they were off to the tavern.
That is where to his delight Doc learned about dilly boys and about looking
“pretty” checked out some of the merchandise and came home to Holmes who was
reportedly frantic with the Doc’s genetic sore ass, sore mouth and sore cock.
Sherlock, intrigued, always intrigued I will say that for him after he calmed
down went with Doc to the Black Lantern, feasted on the boys, including those
two pretty sailors who escorted Doc to that location and the rest is history.
Fuck I have
been in that place, have been down the hellish parts of the row, maybe better
called the River Styx after old opium-eater Sam Coleridge started seeing
sunless seas and went off the deep end about it forgetting Wordsworth’s advice
to smoke that madness bong in freaking moderation. Typical junkie’s remorse,
lament, you pick the word but don’t give me some twelve step higher power
bullshit. Been down there by myself, alone, and with every kind of woman,
lately Frilly Jilly, like that moniker, she curls my toes, likes to swallow my
cum when she giving me a blowjob, says the stuff is filled with protein which
we don’t get enough of doing serious dope, serious speed which takes away the
hungers, food hungers anyway and so she will suck me dry, and it is okay with
me except once she tried to kiss me with a load in her mouth, wanted me to
taste my own cum, wanted to French kiss with that freaking mouth, I freaked
out. Jesus. I was just thinking that when we hung around the corner, hung
around Riverdale waiting for something to happen we would speculate, boredom I
guess, about who, which girls we knew, if they gave head, you know blowjobs
would they swallow or spit. Frankie Kelly, who left us a few days ago to head
back to Riverdale to check about his draft status and about how to get out of
the thing somehow what with the war raging, was the first guy to bring it up
and while we knew all about blowjobs we at first thought about the question it
seemed strange, seemed kind of esoteric and who gives a fuck but Frankie said
that if a girl spit that meant she didn’t like your cum, didn’t have any kinky
traits and so maybe was not going to go the distance. Like I say Jilly is a
swallower and when I mentioned that conversation she said girls, her girlfriends
anyway, talked about the same thing except since it concerned them more they
took it seriously and Jilly said the first time she gave a guy a blowjob back
in junior high school a couple of years ago when she started getting sexy thoughts
and wanted to do something about it, to experiment, she didn’t like it and spit
it out. The guy, older, went crazy when she did that. That is when she talked to
some girlfriends, the ones who were sexually active or wanted to be, one who
told her to swallow fast and it would be okay, which she did the next time with
the guy she still didn’t like it but got it down okay and so she has been a
swallower ever since. She said she only started to like it, to feel better about
taking it when she read last year about the protein and that made her thing of
it like a vitamin, a supplement and that was why she liked to suck a guy dry to
get as much protein as possible. (By the
way we never even considered that crazy joint swallow Jilly was into who said
she learned it from a college guy who was worried about losing his cum to the
bed or wherever they did it and she got hooked on doing it, did it with a girl
once when they were in a motel room with two guys and the other girl, not the
guys though, was interested. But these day Jilly was mostly about the protein,
was about swallowing the cum to keep her energy up, and about curling my toes).
Some women
really do like to take it on the wild side. Jilly does, has ever since we
picked her up on the Pacific Coast Highway around Carlsbad, maybe Oceanside
where the freaking Marines do their blow-up stuff. Likes to give blowjobs and
is good at it although since she is only sixteen and does not want to get “in
the family way” that is as far as she will go, maybe a sneak hand-job when we
are riding along on the bus but I am getting away from what I was thinking
about, about circuses, about Lilly Ann, about Madame LaRue ‘s daughter Lilly
Ann, who shilled for the Madame, brought in the customers for mother’s
fortune-telling racket (with Lilly Ann grabbingly wallets in the dark but I
didn’t know that until later, until she, Lilly Ann trusted me enough to believe
that I would not turn her in. Jesus, a snitch, no fucking way, excuse my English
if I haven’t said that, excuse me, before). Lilly Ann and mother, Madame came
to Riverdale with Jim Calhoun’s Mighty Midget Circus, that was how it was
billed on the posters and advertisements around town. Jim had been coming to
town and I had been threatening when things got tense at home to leave with the
operation once they folded up their tents and split, although I never did. That
tells you how tense things were at times in the house with wild woman mother
and four older brothers crowding me out. The year I am talking about was the
year I met Lilly Ann when I was sixteen, she said she was also sixteen but she
was really thirteen, going on fourteen she said when she told me the truth
after she told me about the wallet-snatching operations that provided the real
dough for her and the Madame (Lilly always called her Madame as did everybody
else including me).
That was the
year, not with her, that would come later, when I first had sex with a girl, a
girl from school who you would never think was into sex, had been since doing
since twelve when an older brother’s friend “broke her in” she called it when
she made me promise not to tell anybody or else she would tell her mother what
I had done and get me in serious trouble, was into moaning and groaning and who
would scream when she came, screamed right in my ear. Got all wet, sweated some
she moved her hips and stomach so much while she was in heat, while she was
getting ready to climax (which the first time she did it I didn’t realize that
women could do, couldn’t understand why she was so wet). In those days, funny
that was just a few years ago but since I have been on the West Coast, since I
have been “riding with the king” as Captain Crunch calls it, we, meaning all
the corner boys, Robert too were totally interested in getting blowjobs and
maybe regular sex, what some girl told me was called the missionary position
which she did not like, did not like the weight on top of her and liked to be
on top where she could move her hips frantically which was alright with me and
made me realize how square we were in high school with our little regular
missionary position lack of imagination, if that was available but most of us
agreed that a blowjob was easier to figure, easier to get, and less hassle than
figuring out how and where to “do the do” our expression for what we called
going all the way. I tried to get this girl to give me some head but she
balked, she balked as I put my cock near her mouth. Said that thing, my penis,
was nasty, she didn’t want it in her mouth. Had tasted some guy’s come after
giving him a hand-job and didn’t like the taste, hated it. So no sale. Some
young girls are funny you think like with Jilly they would be more worried
about getting pregnant than worried about the taste of cum in their mouths. I
wish I knew that protein line Jilly mentioned then maybe she would have gone
for that, she was a science whizz.
Lilly Ann
was actually easy to make, to get in the rack once I won her a doll at Skeets,
my favorite game at circuses and amusement parks. When I asked her for a
blowjob one afternoon down by the beach she put the towel over us and went to
work. Not as good as Jilly since she bared her teeth too much, not enough
tongue-lashing and stopped when I proved to take longer than
expected before she started up again but beforehand she had asked me if I liked
a girl to swallow or to spit out when she was done. I asked her which she
preferred, and she said she didn’t care-if it tasted good she would swallow, if
not spit it out. So girls are different in that regard. Lilly Ann was the first
girl though who said that if she liked a guy and his cum didn’t taste good and
he wanted her to swallow but she had spit it out the next time she would chew
gum or something to kill the taste. A girlfriend had told her that when she was
younger after some guy almost slugged her for spitting out. Liked to use bubble
gum she said so she could make bubbles afterwards and we laughed about that.
She sucked me dry said I tasted like maple syrup. We went together for the
three weeks the circus was in town and once again home life had me hankering to
go on the road when the circus left town, go with Lilly Ann and all the kid
stuff romance ideas attached to that. Then one day I went into their trailer
and there on the couch Lilly Ann was fucking Mr. Leonard, the city permit guy
who okayed Jim’s permit for the city grounds used by the circus. Seems Lilly
Ann was the graft for Leonard’s okay. Fuck. I ran out and maybe ran out of
naiveite. Never saw Lilly Ann again and lost my taste for circuses- for a
while.
I don’t even
want to talk about riot squads, coppers after all the hassles I, we have had
between the corner in Riverdale where the cops had seven eyes each on us
instead of checking out real crime and criminals and the few demonstrations
against the freaking Vietnam War we got knocked around in at Golden Gate Park in San Francisco
topped off by about seven stops of our home, of Captain Crunch’s cruising
yellow brick road bus looking not for dope, not for sanitary violations or
something stupid like that which would be the usual excuse to stop us although
our ace driver Chuck Cassady has everything under control but whether we have
underage girls, presumably girls, hidden away with mothers and fathers wondering
frantically where their wandering charges were and whether they have been
deflowered, nice word, the latter really of concern since they, those parents didn’t
want to have to send their young things to the mythical “Aunt Emma” if and when
they get pregnant by who knows who. That Aunt Emma thing code for sending the girl
away to someplace maybe never to be seen in town again to avoid the obvious stigma
of pregnancy not for the girl who after all was just doing what came naturally to
humans, having sexual feelings and doing something about it. As I write this
Frilly Jilly said if she was ever picked up when the cops stopped us she would
take them in back and give them the best blowjobs they ever had, would suck
them dry until it hurt. She said a girlfriend of her ’s, maybe the first one
who told her guys like it better overall when you swallow their cum, shows that
you are part of them the girlfriend said, told she had to do that once and
everything came out fine. Had made sure both cops were there even though she
felt funny with one cop watching so that she had them cornered if they tried to
take her in. One cop said sorry to bother her after. The cops didn’t know she
was only fourteen years old so she had something on them. Smart girl. Smart
girl Jilly too since she would use the same ruse although I hope she doesn’t
have to use it when I am around, or she is around me. I know it has to be done
but I am still smarting from Lilly Ann way back having to get out of tight spot
by fucking some guy’s brains out.
Jesus this
screed in turning into a sex story, a
male fantasy sex story and not staying on the skids of what the bard was
getting to and then he lays this Cinderella meeting some charming prince, or
some sidewalk Lothario anyway and he gives us the whole thing in a short
expression, Cinderella although it could have been Snow White, could have been
the Fairie Queen from John Dryden or was it Pope, Alexander Pope, could, well,
could have been any fairy tale is easy which turns this whole section into
another free for all. Stick with me this Cinderella story is kind of cute, our
girl is working the hard life for some bitch mother and her sisters, half-
sisters I guess…
No, this screed
is getting too weird, getting again into another sex thing Cinderella, Snow
White whoever had to “do the do” to get out from under some horrible situation
by giving herself, by getting de-flowered one night to some prince, or a guy who claimed
to be a prince. We have been down this road before, so finis. Well not finis
since Frilly Jilly read what I had written and said it got her kind of horny,
got her thinking about “playing the flute” as she called it lately after one of
the young women we partied with a few days ago told her what she called it.
That girl also said that Jilly should, well you figure it out, figure out Desolation Row lyrics too
