Hard Times
Please Come Again No More-When The Old Man Of The Sea Drowned His Sorrows In
Whiskey And Weed-Another Side Of The Legendary Bart Webber-A Short Biography Of Sorts
By Will
Bradley
[When Greg
Green tagged me to do this sketch taking me away from some serious
investigative journalism which has put me on the shelf as far as doing reviews I
balked. And not only because I was weaving my way past all the nonsense around
the legend of Sherlock Holmes, the so-called max daddy of the private detection
world. (As I have done in every article I have written about this fraud Holmes,
real name according to Scotland Yard when they finally caught up with him Larry
Lawrence the kingpin of the London underworld, I make sure I mention this alias
business to drag some of his fans back to sanity.) I am a young writer in this
publication and although I am the youngest writer with a permanent by-line I have
hardly ever run into the legendary Bart Webber.
Moreover,
there are several writers here, Si Lannon, Seth Garth, Fritz Taylor and others who
have known Bart for many, many years and one of them should have been chosen for
the task. Greg took me up short and said if he wanted some hagiographic piece
that would be the right place to look. He said he wanted Bart, warts and all,
and that would not happen with any of the guys who have known him for a long time.
So that clinched it. After reviewing the
materials and talking to those long- time friends and others I have decided to
try to capture the man in his own voice, in the first person which is tricky,
but I hope it works. Will Bradley]
**********
I am a driven man. I am a driven man,
imprisoned, six by twelve room driven, but more by a mental six by twelve
internal, eternal, infernal almost paternal quest, and that is the only word
that fits for the elusive high white note, or the high white something, that I
have spent a lifetime searching for. Certainly as long as that other search,
that more physical search for the blue-pink great American West that disturbed
my youth, and beyond, and pushed me through many a long, lonesome highway
hitchhike mile. But you know that story already now that you have read the
previous scenes. [Check the Archives under “great American West blue-pink night”
for the whole series by Bart.]
This one
is more elusive, although I have caught a whisper of it here and there along
the way. Now it looks like I’m stuck with it to the end. Here I sit in late 2018,
in any case, quarantined, in desolate, high, hard wind-swept, sunless-sea-ed,
busted sand-duned, green sea-grass-blown, icy white-capped waved,
Atlantic–oceaned, ragged, rugged, jagged Maine-coasted shack of a room getting
ready to search, and search hard this time, for that white devil of a thing
that keeps disturbing my rest.
I will
put up with an ill-lit stove, half broken from generations of use by others,
passing strangers, maybe seeking their own high white notes, or high white
something. Or, maybe, just passing sweaty, drunken nights in some foredoomed
attempt to avoid oblivion. I will, moreover, put up with that high-pitched,
annoying, buzzing refrigerator in back of me that means, at least, a touch of
civilization. And the bubbly, perking, hard-hearted coffee-making machine,
chipped plates, moldy-cushioned sofa, and this stuffy-aired place in order to
make sense of what drove me here once again to place my shoulder against the
wind, the whistling wind that signals that it is time to take note, and to
seriously take note, of the demands of the quest.
And I
came here for a purpose, always a purpose, to leave home and sweet-loved, sweet
love. And to get away to clean a man’s mind from the humdrum, fairwayed,
fresh-ponded, sun-walked, run-runned, walk-runned, city-maddened depths. Also
while we are on the subject from the technological-driven, cell-phoned,
personal computer-strapped like some third hand or second-brained, four-walled
nightmare. Nightmare-evading Maine fits the bill, although truth to tell Maine
figures, Maine always figures in the white note fight, although it is hardly
the only place.
Hey, wait
a minute, I can almost read your thoughts about my thoughts right now. It goes
something like this- here he goes again, you say, on some incensed holy grail
trip of the mind, or maybe he is for real, real time, real places but still a
trip that would embarrass and shame any self-respecting errant knight of yore,
searching for that perfect fair damsel in distress to bring home, or more
likely, to carry off, kicking and screaming, to some cozy, stone-faced,
thatched-roofed, smoke-filled, forested cottage for two. Or of old mad,
maddened, maddening Captain Ahab and his foolish fish, or whatever woe begotten
thing that he was really looking for in the Melville deep. Or, maybe, some
fiendish, freakish, madman pioneer monkishly doing his own shouldering against
the storms, against the snowstorms, against the storms of life of the
white-peaked Western trek nights. Ah, the blue-pink Western sky. I wish you
well pioneer brother, wherever you landed.
No, it is
not like that at all. This is not some half-baked, half-bright, half-thought
out, interior dialogue that I usually get myself tangled up into. Tangled so
bad I have to break it up for a while. No, none of that this time. No
intellectual gymnastics, no mental tepidity, no squarey circles or circley
squares. No this is purely, or almost purely, a memory trip and that seems about
right, you know, if you really want to know it has been painful at times, but
no way, no way at all, that it is one of those ill-digested whims that you are
thinking of. No way.
And,
besides, I have the many pairs of worn out, worn-soled, worn-heeled, down at
the heel shoe leather (now thick-soled, thick-heeled, logo-addled running
sneakers); worn-thumbed, back-pack-laden, some forgotten town destination sign
waving, hitch-hiked mile (that means bumming free rides on the road, the wide
American highway, for those too young, or too proper to the know the long gone,
way long gone, exotic word that sustained many a hobo, tramp or bum in his (or
her) search for the Great American night) through every nowhere, no-name, no
wanna know the name, bus-depoted, stranger-unfriendly town from here to
Mendocino. Moreover, here I have marks, and here you can call it intellectual
or spiritual or whatever, from every diesel-trailed, oil-slicked, mud-flatted,
white-lined, white-broken-lined, two-laned, no passing , hard-bitten,
steam-fooded truck stop from here to Frisco as well. So don’t tell me I haven’t
paid my dues.
Or it
could have been some smoke-filled, nicotine-plastered walls in some long
defunct coffee house (when smoking was de rigueur), or some
gin-sweated, smoke-fogged Cambridge bar (in the days when smoking was allowed),
listening to some local group trying to make it out of town, one way or
another. Or it could have been being chained-smoked cigarette (ditto above)
writing like crazy, every soul thing, every non-soul thing, every anti-soul
thing after passing on the last call train out to the sticks at that old
reliable, don’t have the eggs scrambled, Hayes-Bickford where we all believed
that if you just spent enough nights, enough hot, heavy-aired July nights, or
enough snow-bound, frost-bitten January nights (this before Super Bowl suspense
filled in January) maybe something major would come out, and maybe fame, big
fame too, fame etched by the gods.
Hey, did
I tell you how I got here, got here this time that is? Did I forget that in my
frenzy to tell you what is? Ya, I guess I did reading back. Let me tell you of
my dreams, or at least the story of my dreams to make it right, okay? One
recent, sweat- drenched night I woke up, or was I woken up by one of the cats,
in a start. I had a weird old dream, or maybe just a flash of a dream where I
saw, in living, livid color a big old beautiful high white note floating, free
and easy, as you might guess on a very stormy high white wave. After than
flash, if that is what it was, I could not get back to sleep and lay there,
soaking a little and trying to soak off that soaking with an old bedraggled
railroad man’s roaring red handkerchief, or that is at least what I call them
since I first saw a railroad guy walking down the line when I was a kid,
carrying one in the left back pocket of his dirt-stained denims as he uncoupled
one train from another, maybe sending it into the great western night.
But I
will get into that great Western night, or what I think is my idea of the great
Western night later on once I figure out the meaning of this dream. Hey, it is
really bothering me, and it should because, lately, I have been thinking and
thinking hard about that very subject. No, it did not just come out of the
blue, come on now, you guys know better than that. Ain’t you read Freud, or his
acolytes or renegades, these things all have secret meanings of their own. But
no surprise if you think about it. I have been thinking about the high white
note for a while, ever since I read poor old, black, gay, exiled against his
will, writer James Baldwin and his infernal short story, Sonny’s Blues.
You know
I really should make you read the whole thing, that whole short story, and then
you could come back and get an idea about my dream, or the thought of what my
dream was all about. And then the great Western trek in the night, hell in the
day time even, would make a great deal more sense. But I am going to let you
off the hook this time and just tell you that old “Sonny” is a story about
brothers, and I have been thinking about that too lately, although not in the
friendly, gee I should get back in touch with my own brother sense, but about
brothers who drifted back and forth in each other’s lives until one day the
reality set in hard and hard was that Sonny, a high white note-seeking jazz
pianist really got high on the white note. Busted, busted hard, busted back to
clean but busted and his brother, would you know that it was his big brother,
had to help him put back the pieces, even though the pieces were what made
Sonny interesting and alive. That's me, living on old sweet, sweet dream of
that white note, and Angelica-ish-driven memories of that old time blue-pink
night before I go.
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