Fraud, My
Sweet-The Case Of Internet Love-A Detective Phillip Larkin Tale
For this story it was hard to find a Wikipedia entry or YouTube film clip to accompany the piece, to do it justice but the more I thought about Tom Clary's situation the more I thought about schoolboy stuff. Hence Frankie and the boys
By Zack
James
You know I,
I Phil Larkin, Private Investigator (not that silly detective business that
Zack James put in the title of this piece) have done plenty of work for
lawyers, private lawyers not those public prosecutors who couldn’t defend a case
if they had the gun handed to them two seconds after some sicko killed his wife
because she decided she would rather play with some hard dick than his stub, over
my twenty plus years in the profession. Early on it was mostly divorce work, what
unkind people call key-hole peeping, to get the goods on some adulterer, male
or female what did I care as long as somebody paid the freight, when the
divorce laws were a lot tougher on people trying to get out from under a bad
marriage anyway they could. Lately though mainly missing persons cases for a
whole lot of reasons, a whole lot of reasons why they went missing. An
occasional looking for an heir not trying to go missing. Maybe some
investigative work in a criminal case where a defense attorney has a client
with enough dough to buy an alibi. Stuff like that. Stuff that sounds good,
sounds good enough to write about to inform the public about what is what is
real investigative until you realize to the average reader it would be their
hum-drum lives which they have had their fill of.
In the
Internet Love caper though the lawyer, Tom Clary, working out of Lowell, Jack
Kerouac’s old town, Jack the self-proclaimed “king of the beats” from what I
heard, they have a little memorial park near the old mills near the Merrimack that
says that, an old mill town that still has seen better days no matter what hyp
they put on the publicity charts needed my help to get out from under some
silly fraud thing he had gotten himself into when his member (okay, we are all
adults, his cock, his woody, whatever) did his thinking and not his brain.
This caper
was just another example of how whatever you read in the detective pulp
magazines, in the high gloss hardcover novels that you can barely read through
once, can barely follow they are so full of silly scientific stuff that defies
logic and good sense, at twenty plus bucks a copy, or watch on television or
the movies real life private investigator is absolutely nothing like that-even
when sex is involved, or the dream of sex as here. Usually I lay out the story
that I get from my client (naturally discounted about fifty percent for lies
even from lawyers, maybe especially for lawyers since they go to school for that
kind of stuff) and then tell the good reader how I used my skill and experience
to work out the case, sometimes successfully, sometimes no good just like in
real life.
On Tom
Clary’s case though I want to start out with the last e-mail he sent the bimbo
to let you know how he let it get all out of hand in a short time, how he almost
lost his ticket, his license to practice, for that silly cock instead of brain
reason. Let you too wonder whether the days of snail mail were so bad after all
when dealing with sex, or anything important. Here goes:
Katerina sweetie
I will have to pass on helping you financially with your insurance premium
problem since I am, no, we are in some trouble around the previous help I tried
to give you which I will describe below.
As you may
know, or maybe you don’t know since you seem kind of naïve or not knowledgeable
about a lot of things, lawyers when they are in trouble or need legal advice
will not depend on their own understandings of the law but seek opinions from
other lawyers. You might have heard the expression about “any lawyer who
defends himself has a fool for a lawyer.” That is what I am talking about. So
lawyers use another lawyer as their lawyer. So what I am about to tell you is
done under advice from my lawyer who has told me that I have had to do the
following based on my situation.
Since you
have not been able to provide me with receipts and a copy of your mother’s
death certificate for her funeral expenses and for which I loaned you one
thousand dollars in United States currency via Western Union money transfer to
the Philippines I have had to protect my law practice and myself by swearing
out a warrant for your arrest when, and if, you come back inside the
jurisdiction of the United States. I did this Monday March 14, 2016 with
Assistant United States Attorney Emma Wright for the Federal District Court of
New Hampshire in Concord as your home town and last known address was in Manchester
which falls under that court’s jurisdiction charging you with Internet fraud (18
U.S. Code, section 1030 fraud using a computer) and telecommunications fraud
(using Western Union for the money transfers which is regulated under the
Federal Communications Commission and a violation of 18 U.S. Code, section 1343).
You can do what you want when you come back to the United States but you should
probably get in touch with Assistant United Attorney Wright who is handling the
case. If you have trouble at U.S. Customs upon trying to re-enter the country
and are detained then please call meet at 781-249-8326 and I will contact
Attorney Wright and we will come to where you are being detained and can settle
the matter there.
All of this
is not as terrible as it sounds and we, you and I, will be able to get out from
under this problem if you are more forthcoming than you have been in the past
about the fate of those funeral expenses. What triggered all of this legal
necessity was when I put the money that I borrowed for you (the one thousand
dollars for the funeral expenses) back into the office funds without explaining
how or why it had been taken out and why it had been returned without
explanation. My accountant informed that what I had done was both legally wrong
and a violation of my legal responsibilities as a professional lawyer which
would trigger an investigation from the Massachusetts Board of Bar Overseers,
the organization that regulates lawyers in this state. My accountant said I
would at least be no question in some kind of legal trouble from them.
Since I
acted in good faith with you and I need to keep my professional standing as a
lawyer to earn a living for some time longer I have had to do the above action
to show that I acted in good faith and that you did not. I have had to “throw
you under the wheels of a bus” to use a current expression. That signing a
warrant for your arrest will clear me, hopefully. I am sorry that I had to do
this action but since I don’t really know you and whatever has motivated you
through all of this I have had to think of myself.
Sweetie rest
assured that if there is any way I can help you or you can help me to get this
rock off our backs then I will do so but this is where the situation stands
right now. Su amigo [Tom Clary].
Jesus, you
can imagine my snicker when I saw this little tidbit. What Attorney Clary, who
I had worked for before on a couple of missing persons cases that went nowhere
(that nowhere the result of the clients running out of dough, interest, or reason
to pursue the person further) needed as much background information on the
bimbo as I could find since he, as we shall see, in his love bug state
neglected to find out much about her except a few saucy and raw nude
photographs (like I said cock over brains). He knew my work, knew I could help
him out-on the quiet. But I needed the story-the whole story minus the fifty
percent bullshit I expected from lawyers and everybody else if I was to help
get him out from under his rock in one piece. Needed to find out why a guy who
was just horny which a lot of guys are, me included, had to send an e-mail
telling some honey she could wind up in the federal slammer as some bull-dyke’s
girlfriend for cooking up some two bit scheme to defraud a love-addled attorney.
To make him look less stupid over some young sweet fluff than he really was if
you wanted to know the truth.
So he gave
me this run-down before giving me my marching orders and what little
information he knew about Katerina.
Tom Clary
like a lot of fifty something guys, me too, had been unlucky in love, had had
three marriages ending in three divorces and plenty of alimony and child
support checks (me, two marriages, two divorces and ditto on the checks), had
given up on love as a no-win investment. Had girlfriends and live-ins for
various periods once he figured out that it was cheaper that way than marrying
them like some Podunk Catholic schoolboy. However of late, the last couple of live-ins
according to what Tom told me that night at Jimmy’s Tavern on Merrimac Street
where we sipped a couple while he was telling his story had been “no-go” on the
sex issue. Nice to be with but had had it with sex and its discomforts (and
pleasures he added). So he started as he had done periodically in the past
looking at the sex sites to see if he could find a sex partner. And not any old
sex partner but, as he said if was going to go to the time and expense of
joining one of those sites, a younger woman to make him feel young again. Not a
bad idea if you can keep it up.
Now this sex
site thing with its million fake “come hither” come ons and women ready to jump
into bed with you at the click of an icon is tricky, is mainly stuff to lure
guys with some kind of unspoken loneliness and sadness into buying all kinds of
stuff but mostly dreams and cash drain for no action. I had looked them at one
point myself after my last divorce and kind of joined one site for “free” which
meant nothing since any “action” required a buy-in to some credit card plan for
X amount of months. I was saved knowing more about this racket by a
thirty-something blonde gal who came into my office looking for help to find
her missing teenage daughter who had run off with some carny grifter and she
didn’t mind spending a little money trying to find the daughter. When the
little money she really had ran out she persuaded me to continue for a little
while longer with a barter offer I couldn’t refuse. Eventually while she was a
wild one and worth the barter that trade-off didn’t get the daughter back, and I never did
find her, but that solved my immediate sex problem and so I never had to get
deeper into the sex site racket.
Tom did, did
get onto one of those well-known sites where everybody is married (at least
they say they are as Tom did and I suppose you could say with three marriages
he was married, if not currently) and just on site to have a fling or short
affair. No foul, no harm. He didn’t have much luck to begin with until he
scrolled onto a profile (this site stuff is all about profiles and half a
million lies) without a photograph (a sure sign that whoever is not up to
showing herself in a photograph is some kind of Methuselah at best). But her
“come on,” Katerina’s come on was that you could contact her directly by
figuring out her email address which was in her greeting (it wasn’t hard and as
Tom found out and I could have told him that ruse is used by rival sex sites or
“independent” sex workers to either lure business to their sites or connect
with guys for paid sex-all this stuff where I say guys goes for gals too if
they are looking for sex okay).
So he did and
Katerina responded quickly. They did the usual asking this and that question
including her telling him she was a cam model ( a sex work on video who does
whatever the viewer asks for sexually-for a price is the best way I can put
it-one of the wonders of the Internet). This is when she asked him to go to
another sex site and this is how he learned first-hand about the raiding of sex
sites by rivals. Except that the front of this sex site was so amateurish that
even horny Tom could see it was a scam (most sex sites even if they don’t
deliver sex or sex dreams at least are legitimate sites and not total credit
card or identity theft rip-offs whatever their shortcomings or ethics). That
should have tipped him off-and it did for a while. Did until a few days later
(after he had blown Katerina off as a stooge for some nefarious sex fraud
bandits) she asked where he had been. That started another “conversation” which
was actually progressing, Tom said, to the stage of meeting. (Meeting at hotel
somewhere outside of Nashua, New Hampshire since he was from Lowell and she
from Nashua.) Then the axe fell.
Katerina
from that point to the point of that e-mail I showed you that Tom showed me
which got his wise finally (I think, you never know with guys who have the
“rut” on) ran her “script” pretty straightforwardly and intensely. This is the
play. She had received word from a cousin that her mother in the Philippines
was sick and because she was poor (although naturally good-hearted whore Katerina
was sending dough along to help out) the mother couldn’t afford the medicines
necessary to save her. (This gag as smart as Tom is as a lawyer has been pulled
a million times-although not always with the mother dying in the Philippines.)
She pretty please asked Tom to “lend” her five hundred dollars U.S. to help out
until next pay-day when Katerina would pay him back (that one has been played
billion times including in the Philippines). This of course while they were
making “arrangements” for their assignation. So Tom bit. Sent the dough to the
cousin via Western Union (a money transfer that he had never done before which
was interesting-the first time). Done, and he figured that he was on the way to
great blow-jobs and whatever she had in her bag of sexual tricks.
The day
before the big assignation (remember that five hundred smackers was already
sent along) Katerina e-mailed that the cousin had informed her that her mother
had died. RIP. The next thing he knew, the next time he heard from her Katerina
was on an airplane heading for the Philippines to give her mother a final
send-off (and Tom was holding his sore cock, sore since he had taken some sex
aid medication as a prelude to that big “date”). Told Tom not to worry she
would grease his skids when she got back after the funeral.
End of
story-right. Wrong. A few days later Katerina send an e-mail about how she
could not claim her mother’s body until the hospital where she had been treated
and had expired was paid for its services. The bill-eight hundred dollars.
Could Tom pretty please sent the dough to get her mother out of the deep freeze
and into the ground. I am just giving you the highlights here there was more to
it but the reader can get the drift. The drift here being another Western Union
money transfer to her in her name for eight big ones. (That money transfer
process not so interesting this time.)
Now end of
story-right. No, still wrong. Of course the mother needed a funeral and there
was no money to do so. Again a lot of back and forth and promises that this was
the last hit (and promises by her about all she would do for him when she got
back to America) but in the end he did the Western Union money transfer (a
total bummer as to process this time but he was horny, he was love-bugged even
though he had never actually talked to her on the phone or seen more than some
nice, and some raw, photographs of her sent via e-mail) for, ouch, twelve
hundred smackeroos. Hell if it was that
easy I would have liked to have gotten on Tom’s gravy train myself.
Now
finished. Well not quite because she put the bite on him for a thousand bucks
to pay some insurance premiums that the mother had not paid and were overdue on
a fifty-thousand dollar life insurance policy that all of a sudden after the
funeral had surfaced and which would have left Katerina and her brother on
“easy street” for a while anyway. Except Tom as a lawyer who knew about life
insurance policies and the fact that those cold-hearted bastard insurance
companies don’t like to pay out penny one if they don’t have to knew something
was wrong about this set-up if not exactly what (to speak nothing of how all of
a sudden a daughter who was living in the mother’s old apartment “found” the
policy which would have taken care of everything Tom already paid for if it had
been “discovered” earlier). Hence the stinging e-mail and hence my employment.
Hence too
after checking out that the address Katerina had given him in Nashua and found
it was bogus and few other facts that surfaced as I looked into matters that I
was not able to produce much about her. In any case she has not surfaced in
America or if she has she has not come forward to clear her name-and probably
never will. So like I said forget about those smart lawyers on television and
in the bookstores and remember Tom Clary’s saga-that’s your average lawyer,
very average.