50
Years Gone The Father We Almost Knew One Jack Kerouac Out Of Merrimack
Nights-Searching For The Father We Never
Knew-Scenes In Search Of The Blue-Pink Great American West Night
By
Seth Garth, known as Charles River Blackie for no other reason than he slept
along those banks, the Cambridge side and some raggedy ass wino who tried to cut
him under the Anderson Bridge one night called him that and it stuck. Those
wino-sapped bums, piss leaky tramps and poet-king hoboes all gone to some
graven spot long ago from drink, drug, or their own hubris which they never understood
gone and the moniker too.
These
old time lonesome hobo flash scenes from the time before hoboing became my way
of life, my Charles River Blackie’s on the bum moniker please to meet you way
of life, told around hobo, bum, tramp camp fires and every hobo, bum, tramp
knew the distinctions and they were fought over, broken bottle in hand like
knights of old defending sullen moat-filled sinkholes of turf, along railroad
sidings, along ravines, or under bridges when lies were being swapped to keep
the chill off (and scratch pad note written down) well after I left the road
(although not the life, I just stopped my nomadic roaming and bumming and
settler-ed in as stationary flop house denizen), were originally conceived
(born in some drift-less night, virginally born, hah, Catholic-showered Ti Jean
would know my reference and let it go at that, nights really, memory high, blasted on sixteen
old time highs, benny, miff, sister, brother, boy, girl, jesus, sweet jesus,
weed, and mary jane bless her heated heart was the least of it), as separate
entries, as separate dream thoughts, and they can be read as such. They can
also be read, collectively in sequence, as part of a greater experience and
thus I have gathered them together here in one place.
The genesis of these bump in the
night scenes, or sketches if you insist, initially came together, as will be
noted further below, as a result of a question, no, not a question really but a
sense of bewilderment, a “what the hell are you trying to tell us, why, and
what for,” that a young friend of mine, a cosmic traveler in his own right from
what I have gleaned from the times that I have had occasion to speak to him,
speak in his dream words neo-hobo want-to-be vocabulary and thus comprehend a
little, had about my use of the term “in search of the blue-pink great American
West night” in many of the sketches that I was camp fire swapping some time
back. That point-blank query lead to some necessary introspection on my part
about the great 1960s hitchhike highway, physical, mental and spiritual of my
youth and I belted out a scratch pad short reply. But that was hardly the end
of it. The reply triggered further remembrances and, as such things do,
triggered some more after that and led to this stream of be-bop road scenes.
Of
course that young friend’s spark only tells part of the story. No question that
I had already been thinking a lot, sitting up in my room, my spartan bed,
bureau, small table, single chair room where I have of late been stationary
roaming and bumming, about those 1960s days, and the influence of re-re-reading
Jack Kerouac’s “beat” travelogues, especially On The Road during that
period is, or should be, obvious as well. I made many trips across the country
in those days, mostly through use of the hitchhike thumb, for lack of cash if
no other reason, but the choice of the mainly 1969 sweet youth, sweet youth
love, sweet Angelica-laced company trip scenes here are calculated to give the
best sense of those trips, and the closest I every came to finding out some
truth on that damn blue –pink quest. And if all those reasons individually, or
collectively, do not tell the story behind the scenes then let’s just leave it
as this-the restlessness that drove that youthful quest is still in my bones,
still driving my old bones enough to keep me restless forty years later. Hey
there is still some of that lonesome hobo wandering left, left unresolved, left
thumb-less in the gentle rain good night. Enough said.
***********
There
is no question that over the past year or so I have been deep in remembrances
of the influences, great and small, of the 1950s“beats” on my own sorry
teen-aged alienation and teen-aged angst (sometimes they were separate
anguishes, sometimes tied together like inseparable twins, mostly the later)
and the struggle to find my place in the sun, to write in bright lights my own
beat plainsong. Of course, that "beat" influence was blown over me
second-hand as I was just a little too young, or a little too wide-world
unconscious, to be there at the creation, on those first roads west, those
first fitfully car-driven, gas-fuelled, thumb hanging-out, sore-footed, free
exploration west roads, in body and mind that exploded in the immediate
post-World War II walking daddy walk world. And of that first great rush of the
adrenal in trying to discover, eternally discover as it has turned out, the
search for the meaning of the great blue-pink American West night. Ah,
pioneer-boys, thanks.
I
just got a whiff, a passing whiff of that electric-charged air, the sweet
“be-bop”, bop-bop, real gone daddy, cooled-out, pipe-filled with whatever
(hash, the O , sweet jesus weed, blessed mary jane, blessed Immaculate Conception
Mary and whore around town Mary Mags who got to heaven on the layaway plan and
Ti Jean would know exactly what that meant), jazz-sexed (Charley, Dizzy, Miles,
and Lester when in his groove blowing that big fat sexy sad-eyed sax at the end
behind the our lady of the flowers and other the Prez need know what that meant when she was in her final
sorrows), high white note-blown (blown out the first heard time on some warm,
drink sweaty, weather sweaty, sweet jimson in the incense-filled North Beach Frisco
sweaty air night, blown out in honor of, come on now, in lure of, that blonde
twist (always Saturday afternoon matinee addicted to film noir and the lingo so
twist or frill come naturally if not correctly in these deadened times) sitting
alone in the alabaster white skin, ruby red lips (I swear out of the high tide
of Dante Gabriel Rossetti, his brother, his lover and the whole kettle of fish
Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood who blew opium dreams and wet red lips), black beret
atop looking like Jean Genet’s lost mother, black eye-liner eyes, black bump
out sweater, black form-fitting skirt, black stockings, black shoes, and
wonder, I then Be-Bop Benny monikered in the 1967 summer of love night wonder
(long before the down trail knife cut Anderson Bridge Charles River Blackie
human sink), woman mystery wonder I would bet six-two and even black undergarments
too, howling in the wind plainsong afterglow.
Moreover,
Jesus that moreover that has saved more ships wreaked than old Jesus playing Jesus
saved sinners and Mary Mag whores, that whiff was somewhat tarnished, a little
sullen and withdrawn, and media-used up by my time. (Christ, every television
show, every mainstream media outlet it seemed had it mock-“beat” as
counter-point to the sober real world, Ike’s sober real world of bombs and
psychic beatings remember Carl Solomon and his sorrows before the knife and
before a howling poet caused him pain.) More than one faux black chino-wearing, black beret’d, stringy-bearded;
nightshade sun-glassed, pseudo-poetic-pounding, television-derived fakir
crossed my path in Harvard Square in those high stakes early 1960s high school
days. A few real ones as well. (A couple, whom I still pass occasionally,
pan-handling occasionally, giving a quick nod to, have never given up the ghost
and still haunt the old square looking for the long-gone, storied 1962
Hayes-Bickford, a place where the serious and the fakirs gathered in the late
night before dawn hour to pour out their souls, via mouth or on paper fortified
with Ti Jean’s Tokay cheapjack wine. Good luck in your search, men for blessed
are the earth seekers and alms-seekers too.). More to the point, I came too
late to be able to settle comfortably into that anti-political world that the
“beats” thrived in. Great political and social events were unfolding, and I
wanted in, feverishly wanted in, with both hands (and, maybe, feet too).
You
know some of the beat leaders, the real ones, don’t you? Remembered, seemingly
profusely remembered now, by every passing acquaintance with some rough-hewn
writing specimen or faded photograph to present. Hell people who after giving
the best summer of their lives to the Village (or North Beach) and to beat life
and then after that minute graduating to stockbroker Wall Street are glutting
the market with their minute pictures with the father we almost knew Jack, deeply
homosexual Allen whom they would not bring home to mother, or mad monk gangster
poet Corso, steamy affairs (all sexes), and take on that lost minute. (Just
check E-bay or Amazon if you think I am kidding although I have yet to see some
Elvis-divined Velco styled hanging of Allan bopping Neal Cassidy in front of
some downtown Denver department store window.) Worse. Now merely
photo-plastered, book wrote, college english department deconstruction’d ,
academic journal-debated. Ah, but then in full glory plaid shirt, white shirt,
tee shirt, dungarees, chinos, sturdy foot-sore cosmic traveler shoes, visuals
of heaven’s own angel bums, if there was a heaven and there were angels and if
that locale needed bums.
Jack,
million hungry word man-child sanctified, Lowell mills-etched and trapped and
mother-fed, Jack Kerouac. Allen, om-om-om, bop, bop, mantra-man, mad
Paterson-trapped, New Jersey, natch, modern plainsong-poet-in-chief, Allen
Ginsberg. William, sweet opium dream (or, maybe, not so sweet when the supply
ran out and the sickness came on looking fast and hard for that fixer man who
would get him well, old tired in the eyes Nelson Algren’s Frankie Machine could
have told him there was not enough sorrow opium in the world to staunch that
dream-sore), needle-driven, sardonic, ironic, chronic, Tangiers-trapped,
Harvard man (finally, a useful one, after all those winos and junkies still
bopping for that insane Hayes-Bickford, oops, sorry), Williams S. Burroughs.
Neal, wild word, wild gesture, long-donked to fever Allan dreams Adonis golden
boy-dropped out of ashcan all-America dream man, tire-kicking, oil-checking,
gas-filling, zen master wheelman gluing the enterprise together, Neal Cassady.
And a whirling crowd of others, including mad, street-wise, saint-gunsel,
Gregory Corso. I am a little fuzzy these days on the genesis of my relationship
to this crowd (although a reading of Ginsberg’s Howl was probably first
in those frantic, high school, Harvard Square-hopping, poetry-pounding,
guitar-strummed, existential word space, coffee, no sugar, I’ll have a refill,
please, fugitive dream’d, coffeehouse-anchored days). This I know. I qualified,
in triplicate, teen angst, teen alienation, teen luddite as a card-carrying
member in those days.
More recently that old time angst, that old time alienation and a smidgen
of that old-time luddite has cast its spell on me. I have been held hostage to,
been hypnotized by, been ocean-sized swept away by, been word ping-pong bounced
off of and collided into by, head over heels language-loved by, word-curled
around and caressed by the ancient black night into the drowsy dawn 1950s child
view vision Kerouac/Ginsberg/Burroughs/Corso-led “beats” homage to the great
American West night. (Beat: life beat-up, fellaheen and fellaheena beat-down,
beat around, be-bop jazz beat, beatified church beat, howl poem beat, beat
okay, anyway you can get a handle on it, beat.). The great American West “beat”
breakout from the day weary, boxed-in, shoulder-to-the-wheel, eyes forward,
hands to the keyboard, work-a-day-world, dream-fleshed-out night. Of leaving
behind on the slow-fast, two-lane, no passing, broken-lined old Route 6, or 66,
or 666, or whatever route, whatever dream route, whatever dream hitchhike gas
station/diner highway beyond the Eastern shores night, of the get away from the
machine, the machine-making machines, the “little boxes” machine night, and
also of the reckless breakout of mannered, cramped, parlor-fit language night.
Whoa!
This Kerouacian wordplay on-the-road’d, dharma-bummed, big sur’d,
desolation angel’d night, this Ginsberg-ite trumpet howl, cry-out to the high
heavens against the death machine night, this Burroughs-ish languid, sweet
opium-dreamed, laid-back night, this Neal Cassady-driven, foot-clutched,
brake-pedaled, wagon-master of the to and fro of the post-World War II American
West night, was not my night but close enough so that I could touch it, and
have it touch me even half a century later. So blame Jack and the gang, okay
and I will give you his current Lowell, Massachusetts home address upon request
so that you can direct your inquiries there.
Blame Jack, as well, for the busting out beyond the factory lakes,
corn-fed plains, get the hell out of Kansas flats, on up into the
rockiesmountainhigh (or is it just high) and then straight, no time for
dinosaur lament Ogden or tumbleweed Winnemucca, to the coast, come hell or high
water. Yah, busting out and free. Kid dream great American West night,
car-driven (hell, old pick-up truck-driven, English racer bicycle-driven,
hitchhike thumbed, flat-bed train-ridden, sore-footed, shoe-beaten walked, if
need be), two dollar tank-filled, oil-checked, tires-kicked, money pocket’d,
surf’s up, surf’s crashing up against the high shoulder ancient seawalls,
cruising down the coast highway, Pacific Coast Highway One, the endlessly twisting
jalopy-driven pin-turned coast highway, down by the shore, sand swirling,
bingo, bango, bongo with your baby everything’s alright, go some place after
the bango, some great American West drive-in place. Can you blame them or me?
So as for that hobo angel comrade, that well-respected young cosmic
traveler, what would he know, really, of the great blue-pink American West
night that I, and not I alone, were searching for back in those halcyon days of
my youth in the early 1960s. What would he know, for example, except in story
book or oral tradition from parents or, oh no, maybe, grandparents, of the old
time parched, dusty, shoe-leather-beating, foot-sore, sore-shouldered,
backpacked, bed-rolled, going-my-way?, watch out for the cops over there
(especially in Connecticut and Arizona), hitchhike white-lined road. The
thirsty, blistered, backpacked, bed-rolled, thumb-stuck-out, eternally
thumb-stuck-out, waiting for some great savior kindred-laden Volkswagen
home/collective/ magical mystery tour bus or the commandeered rainbow-marked,
life-marked, soul-marked yellow school bus, yellow brick road school bus. Hell,
even of old farmer-going-to-market, fruit and vegetable-laden Ford truck,
benny-popping, eyes-wide, metal-to-the-petal, transcontinental teamster-driving
goods to some westward market or kid Saturday love nest, buddy-racing cool
jalopy road. Yah, what would he know of that.
Of the road out, out anywhere, anywhere west, from the stuffy confines of
worn-out, hard-scrabble, uptight, ocean-at-you-back, close-quartered, neighbor
on top of neighbor, keep your private business private, used-up New England
granite-grey death-chanting night. Of the struggle, really, for color, to
change the contour of the natural palette to other colors brighter than the New
England leafy greens and browns of the trees and the blues, or better
blue-greens, or even better yet of white-flecked, white- foamed, blue-greens of
the Eastern oceans. (Yah, I know, I know, before you even start on me about it,
all about the million tree flaming yellow-red-orange autumn leaf minute and the
thousand icicle-dropped, road strewn dead tree branch, white winter snow drift
eternity, on land or ocean but those don’t count, at least here, and not now)
Or of the infinite oil-stained, gas-fumed, rag-wiped, overall’d,
gas-jockey, Esso, Texaco, Mobil, Shell stations named, the rest lost too lost
in time to name, two dollar fill-up-check-the-oil, please, the-water-as-well,
inflate the tires, hit the murky, fetid, lava soap-smelled bathrooms, maybe
grab a Coke, hey, no Hires Root Beer on this road. This Route 66, or Route 50
or Route you-name-the route, route west, exit east dream route, rolling red
barn-dotted (needing paints to this jaded eye), rocky field-plowed (crooked
plowed to boot), occasionally cow-mooed, same for horses, sheep, some scrawny
chickens, and children as well, scrawny too. The leavings of the westward trek,
when the westward trek meant eternal fields, golden fields, and to hell with
damned rocks, and silts, and worn-out soils absent-mindedly left behind for
those who would have to, have to I tell you, stay put in the cabin'd hollows
and lazily watered-creeks. On the endlessly sulky blues-greens, the sullen
smoky grey-black of mist-foamed rolling hills that echo the slight sound of the
mountain wind tunnel, of the creakily-fiddled wind-song Appalachian night.
[A dream song of pre-natal longing for the sound of that wild ravine,
hills and hollows included , music embedded riding mother womb in some father’s
borrowed beat-up Packard as he, the father, showed his bride, his yankee bride
if you can believe it in those southern-drenched hills, his place in the sun, his faded no account
place, kicking the dirt, the muck, the coal dust, the slag, the cabin fever,
unrequited, from his shoeless feet, and at the first sign of deliverance (those
war clouds that haunted his generation) bought himself a one-way, one-way did
you hear, for the wide world, no looking back. And so from that one-way ticket
his son, like ten thousand ten thousand other restless mid-century (20th, okay)
sons, forced himself to wander aimlessly searching for some mythic unpainted
red barn (desperately in need of paints, black trim might be nice in contrast)
hidden in some unnamed wind-swept valley, complete with Saturday night
fiddlers, mandolin players, guitar-pickers, maybe a bass, fortified with Billy
Jack’s white lightning, to quell that mountain wind-song longing.]
Or of diner stops, little narrow-aisled, pop-up-stool’d, formica
counter-topped, red (mostly) imitation leather booth seats, smoked-filled
cabooses of diners. Of now anchored, abandoned train porter-serviced,
off-silver, off-green, off-red, off any faded color “greasy spoon” diners. Of
daily house special meat loaf, gravy-slurp, steam-soggy carrots, and buttered
mashed potato-fill up, Saturday night pot roast special, turkey club sandwich
potato chips on the side, breakfast all day, coffee-fill-up, free refill,
please, diners. Granddaddies to today’s more spacious back road highway
locales, styled family-friendly but that still reek of meat loaf-steamed
carrots- creamed mashed tater-fill. Spots then that spoke of rarely employed,
hungry men, of shifty-eyed, expense account-weary traveling men, of high-benny,
eyes-wide, mortgaged to the hilt, wife ran off with boyfriend, kids hardly know
him, teamsters hauling American product to and fro and of other men not at ease
in more eloquent, table-mannered, women-touched places. Those landscape old
state and county side of the highway diners, complete with authentic surly,
know-it-all-been-through-it-all, pencil-eared, steam-sweated uniform, maybe,
cigarette-hanging from tired ruby red lips, heavily made-up waitress along the
endless slag-heap, rusting railroad bed, sulphur-aired, grey-black
smoke-belching , fiery furnace-blasting, headache metal-pounding, steel-eyed,
coal dust-breathe, hog-butcher to the world, sinewy-muscled green-grey,
moonless, Great Lakes night.
[Some
great Sandburg hog butcher to the world, great grain elevator to the paying
world, great machine monster devouring the earth, building, building steel,
building tractors, building buildings, building automobiles in the fugitive
night. “Howdy do, what’s yours, brother,” no from hunger brother, get lost, but
step right up, that lost age America, lost about the time the Northwest
Territories closed up and divided themselves up. And of that waitress in
Muncie, or was she from Muncie, and found in Steubenville down on some American
river, on some Ohio River fugitive night (yah, fugitive, fugitive everything
then in that great jail-break), and she,
the waitress she, no threadbare, seen it all, heard it all waitress, but just a
wanderlust angel young woman (not all wanderlust leads to New Jack City,
‘Frisco town, Hollywood dreams, come on) feeling her legs on that first shot
away from home trip decided, decided do
you hear me , that she needed to try a “hippie” gentleman, and she did, and he
was, for as long as they could travel that hitchhike blue-pink American West
night-seeking highway before the whole thing ebbed but that was another
story.]
Or of two-bit road intersection stops, some rutted, pot-holed country
road intersecting some mud-spattered, creviced backwater farm road, practically
dirt roads barely removed from old time prairie pioneer day times, west-crazy
pioneer times, ghost-crazy-pioneer days. Of fields, vast, slightly rolling,
actually very slightly rolling, endless yellow, yellow–glazed, yellow-tinged,
yellow until you get sick of the sight of yellow, sick of the word yellow even,
acres under cultivation to feed hungry cities, as if corn, or soy, or wheat, or
manna itself could fill that empty-bellied feeling that is ablaze in the land.
But we will deal with one hunger at a time. And dotted every so often with
silos and barns and grain elevators for all to know the crops are in and ready
to serve that physical hunger. Of half-sleep, half hungry-eye, city boy hungry
eyes, unused to the dark, dangerous, sullen, unknown shadows, bed
roll-unrolled, knapsack-pillowed, sleep by the side of the wheat, soy, corn
road ravine, and every once in a blue moon midnight car passings, snaggly
blanket-covered, knap-sack head rested, cold-frozed, out in the great day corn
yellow field beneath the blue black, beyond city sky black, starless Iowa
night.
[Of that
sweet Neola night, sleeping along some cow-mooed ravine, half dazed from too
many days on back roads and too few miles west , and then they waking to some
sullen hot, hot as blazes Neola sun, trucks, mainly pick-ups passing by that
forlorn road loaded with farm stuff (jesus, don’t ask what, hoes, maybe, maybe
rakes). Suddenly a pick-up stops and an ancient (ancient by silly young eyes)
angel woman, later identified as Aunt Betty, no Saint Betty, stopped, back-up
and asked, asked in that sweet lost Iowa nasal, whether they, the pair of them,
him and her, needed anything, needed a corn-fed meal. Later at Aunt Betty’s
Diner, fed, fed to high heaven, she sensing a kindred in the she, gave her
view, her view that the grand-daughters, hell, great grand-daughters of those
first trek pioneers were good for citified eastern boys, in short doses. And
she saint aunt angel Betty had it down, down just like that earth perfect apple
pie of hers. Bringing infinite sadnesses.]
Or of the hard-hilled climb, and climb and climb, breathe taken away
magic climb, crevice-etched, rock-interface, sore-footed magic mountain that no
Thomas Mann can capture. Half-walked-half-driven, bouncing back seat, back seat
of over-filled truck-driven, still rising up, no passing on the left, facing
sheer-cliff’d, famous free-fall spots, still rising, rising colder, rising
frozen colder, fearful of the sudden summer squalls, white out summer squalls.
Shocking, I confess, beyond shocking to New England-hardened winter boy, then
sudden sunshine floral bursts and jacket against the cold comes tumbling off.
And I confess again, majestic, did I say majestic and beats visions of old
Atlantic Ocean swells at dawn crashing against harmless seawalls. Old
pioneer-trekked, old pioneer-feared, old rutted-wheeled, two-hearted
remembrances, two-hearted but no returning back (it would be too painful to do
again) remembrances as you slide out of Denver into the icy-white black
rockymountainhigh night.
[Walking
daddy walked down Larimer Street, thousand flavor western cowboy hats strewn on
thousand cowboy heads against his eastern Jack Kennedy-flavored bare head,
barrooms on every corner not seen since Southie drunks before the high tide
swept drunks away and brought forth weed, sister, cousin, what did the poet
call it, god peyote, no wines but whiskey straights, maybe a water chaser (or
beer chaser if in the chips) also like old times, pool-halls, slender, lanky
cowboys, one foot up against the wall yelling “shoot pools.” Betting dollars and drinks, and in walks the
ghost of Neal Cassidy, all golden- boy good looks, cowboy hatted, twirling a
key chain with about sixteen car keys like he was some big- time car dealer, or
hot rod daddy. And she, some blond out of Lizabeth Scott Hollywood, all husky-
voiced and soft contours hanging on his arm.
She unhinged herself from golden cowboy, gave him sweet kisses good luck
and headed walking daddy’s way. And with no eastern shynesses, no coynesses,
she sidled up to walking daddy and said “Walking daddy, do you want to walk
with me?” And far out in the Denver
night the ghost of Neal Cassidy, the ghost voice of Ms. Lizabeth Scott, and walking
daddy took off in the frozen western night, friends, friends for wherever the
road would take them.]
Of foot-swollen pleasures in some arid back canyon arroyo, etched in time
told by reading its face, layer after layer, red, red-mucked, beige,
beige-mucked, copper, copper-mucked, like some Georgia O'Keeffe dream painting
out in the red, beige, copper black-devouring desert night. Sounds, primal
sounds, of old dinosaur laments and one hundred generations of shamanic Native
American pounding, crying out for vengeance against the desecrations of the
land. Against the cowboy badlands takeover, against the white rampages of the
sacred soil. And of canyon-shadowed, flame-shadowed, wind- swept, canteen stews
simmering and smoky from the jet blue, orange flickering campfire. Of quiet,
desert quiet, high desert quiet, of tumbleweed running dreams out in the pure
sandstone-edged, grey-black Nevada night.
[A god
peyote vision- a starless night, camp fire flamed against the infinite colors
of the canyon night barely seen, Jack and Mattie playing some ethereal music on
flute and fiddle, the wind begins to howl, they pass pipes filled with dream
dust, and hear ten thousand -year old sounds, sounds like ancient apache
warriors, untamed, undefeated, spreading their rage as they moved, moved west,
then the mystery sounds of tom-toms, warrior- ready beats, warriors ready to
take what the earth has deemed theirs before the beggared white man came and
killed time and land and whatever else he could use, Jack , Mattie, and walking
daddy, now permanently named walking daddy, get up and begin a warrior dance,
out of step, out of synch, out of beat with the wind and tom-toms until they
get up to speed, then, warrior proud they are ready to avenge history, then suddenly
the winds die down, the tom-toms fade and the trio fall in a heap, exhausted .
An omen?]
And then....
the great Western shore, surf’s up, white, white wave-flecked,
lapis-lazuli blue-flecked ocean, rust golden-gated, no return, no boat out, land’s
end, this is it coast highway, heading down or up now, heading up or down gas
stationed, named and unnamed, side road diners, still caboose’d, ravine-edged
sleep and beach sleeped, blue-pink American West night.
Yes, but there is more. No child vision but now of full blossom American
West night, the San Francisco great American West night, of the be-bop,
bop-bop, narrow-stepped, downstairs overflowed music cellar, shared in my time,
the time of my time, by “beat” jazz, “hippie’d folk”, and howled poem, but at
this minute jazz, high white note-blown, sexed sax-playing godman, unnamed, but
like Lester Young’s own child jazz. Smoke-filled, blended meshed smokes of
ganja and tobacco (and, maybe, of meshed pipe smokes of hashish and tobacco),
ordered whisky-straight up, soon be-sotted, cheap, face-reddened wines,
clanking coffee cups that speak of not tonight promise. High sexual intensity
under wraps, tightly under wraps, swirls inside its own mad desire, already
spoken of black-dressed she (black dress, black sweater, black stockings, black
shoes, black bag, black beret, black sunglasses, ah, sweet color scheme against
white Madonna, white, secular Madonna alabaster skin. What do you want to bet
black undergarments too, ah, but I am the soul of discretion, your imagination
will have to do), promising shades of heat-glanced night. And later, later than
night just before the darkest hour dawn, of poems poet’d, of freedom songs
free-verse’d, of that sax-charged high white note following out the door, out
into the street, out into the eternity lights of the great golden-gated night.
I say, can you blame them or me?
[And down
on Bay Street, heading to some sleek Embarcadero rendezvous, maybe grab a room,
a flop, or just head to the aquarium break-water jut, hunkered down against the
fierce bay winds, the dead- celled Alcatraz
beacon, endlessly shining on the innocent, against Bay mists and fogs,
fog- horned tankers gliding unseen beneath rusted golden gates, or the look of rusted
gates in daytime, and Japan currents, she, mary mack all dressed in black, or
something like that, undergarments included, she and he try to follow that high
white note heading out to some final bay funeral, try to follow that place
where nirvana lived, where the jailbreak 1960s led them, and for a while they
avidly pursued that be-bop night, maybe spending a little too much time at the
doors of perception, maybe, hell. not maybe, ingesting just too many drugs to
catch that sainted sax player’s note without complications and so they drifted
apart, back, apart, back, nobody says that Alcatraz jail-break was going to
easy and then after a while the music could not sustain that ragged
night.]
Of later roads, the north Oregon hitchhike roads, the Redwood-strewn road
not a trace of black-dressed she, she now of blue serge denim pants, of brown
plaid flannel long-sleeved shirt, of some golfer’s dream floppy-brimmed hat,
and of sturdy, thick-heeled work boots (undergarments again left to your
imagination) against the hazards of summer snow squall Crater Lake. And now of
slightly sun-burned face against the ravages of the road, against the parched
sun-devil road that no ointments can relieve. And beyond later to goose-down
bundled, hunter-hatted, thick work glove-clad, snowshoe-shod against the
tremors of the great big eternal bump of the Alaska highway. Can she blame me?
Guess.
[Everybody
took that ‘Frisco road, and took that ‘Frisco road out when the weirdness
started, when the freak- outs came a mile a minute, when the bad ass cartel
hermanos came norte, when the black brothers determined who was cool in the
fogged night (and who was not) and poetry and posters and slogans and banners
and, and whatever, lost their way and called for westward ho but there was no
westward ho so they, he and she, headed out of cramped ‘Frisco, looked to the
north, Eureka north, Roseburg north,
Portland north, almost to Seattle north and then all bleeding and bruised Mount
Rainier in front of them she heard her own high white note, heard some strange
mountain wind of her own, some, what did she call it, some Jack London call of
the wild, and he went with her, went with her for a while anyway, and then,
city boy afraid of no city lights, afraid of the silence (no cars, jesus, no
cars), and turned back … alone, and he never saw that black Madonna
again.]
Yah, put it that way and what does that young hobo angel, a dreamer of
his own dreams, and rightly too, know of an old man’s fiercely-held,
fiercely-defended, fiercely-dreamed beyond dreaming blue-pink dreams. Or of
ancient blue-pink sorrows, sadnesses, angers, joys, longings and lovings,
either.