Out In The Be-Bop Night- Scenes From The Search For
The Blue-Pink Great American West Night-The High White Note -2007
<b>Markin comment:<br />
<br />
The scene below stands (or falls) as a moment in
support of that eternal search mentioned in the headline. <br />
<br />
Scene Eleven: Scenes From Search For The Blue-Pink
Great American West Night- The High White Note-2007</b><br />
<br />
<b>The High White Note, The High White Western
Night and The High White Wave Merged </b><br />
I am a driven man. I am a driven man, imprisoned, six
by twelve room driven, but more by a mental six by twelve internal, eternal,
infernal almost paternal quest, and that is the only word that fits for the
elusive high white note, or the high white something, that I have spent a
lifetime searching for. Certainly longer than that other search, that more
physical search for the blue-pink great American West that disturbed my youth,
and beyond, and pushed me through many a long, lonesome highway hitchhike mile.
But you know that story already now that you have read the previous sketches.
<br />
<br />
This one is more wistful, although I have caught a
whisper of it here and there along the way. Now it looks like I’m stuck with it
to the end, the quest that is. Here I sit, in any case, quarantined, in
desolate, high, hard wind-swept, sunless-sea-ed, busted sand-duned, green
sea-grass-blown, icy white-capped waved, Atlantic–oceaned, ragged, rugged,
jagged Maine-coasted shack of a room getting ready to search, and search hard
this time, for that white puff of a thing that keeps disturbing my rest. <br
/>
<br />
I will, for the duration, put up with an ill-lit
stove, half broken from generations of use by others, passing strangers, maybe
seeking their own high white notes, or high white something. Or, maybe, just
passing sweaty, drunken nights in some fore-doomed attempt to avoid oblivion. I
will, moreover, put up with that high-pitched, annoying, buzzing refrigerator
in back of me that means, at least, a touch of civilization. And the bubbly,
perking, hard-hearted coffee-making machine, chipped plates, moldy-cushioned
sofa, and this stuffy-aired place in order to make sense of what drove me here
once again to place my shoulder against the wind, the whistling wind that
signals that it is time to take note, and to seriously take note, of the
demands of the quest. <br />
<br />
And I came here for a purpose, always a purpose, to
leave home and sweet-loved, sweet love. And to get away, to clean a man’s mind
from the humdrum, fairwayed, fresh-ponded, sun-walked, run-runned, walk-runned,
city-maddened depths. Also while we are on the subject from the
technological-driven, cell-phoned, personal computer-strapped like some third
hand or second-brained, four-walled nightmare. Nightmare-evading Maine fits the
bill just fine, although truth to tell Maine figures, Maine always figures in
the white note fight, although it is hardly the only place. <br />
<br />
I can almost read your thoughts about my thoughts
right now. It goes something like this- here he goes again, you say, on some
incensed holy grail trip of the mind, or maybe he is for real, real time, real
places but still a trip that would embarrass and shame any self-respecting
errant knight of yore, searching for that perfect fair damsel in distress to
bring home, or more likely, to carry off, kicking and screaming, to some cozy,
stone-faced, thatched-roofed, smoke-filled, forested cottage for two. Or of old
mad, maddened, maddening Captain Ahab and his foolish fish, or whatever woe
begotten thing that he was really looking for in the Melville deep. Or, maybe,
some fiendish, freakish, madman pioneer monkishly doing his own shouldering
against the storms, against the snowstorms, against the storms of life of the
white-peaked Western trek nights. Ah, the vision of the blue-pink Western sky.
I wish you well pioneer brother, wherever you landed. <br />
<br />
No, it is not like that at all. This is not some
half-baked, half-bright, half-thought out, interior dialogue that I usually get
myself tangled up into. Tangled so bad I have to break it up for a while. No,
none of that this time. No intellectual gymnastics, no mental tepidity, no
squarey circles or circley squares. No this is purely, or almost purely, a
memory trip and that seems about right, you know, if you really want to know it
has been painful at times, but no way, no way at all, that it is one of those
ill-digested whims that you are thinking of. No way. <br />
<br />
And, besides that, from the great American West night
hitchhike road I have already gone through many pairs of worn-out, worn-soled,
worn-heeled, down at the heel shoe leather (now thick-soled, thick-heeled,
logo-addled running sneakers); worn-thumbed, back-pack-ladened, some forgotten
town destination sign-waving, hitch-hiked mile (that means bumming free rides
on the road, the wide American highway, for those too young, or too proper to
the know the long gone, way long gone, exotic word that sustained many a hobo,
tramp or bum in his (or her) search for the Great American night) through every
nowhere, no-name, no wanna know the name, bus-depot-ed, stranger-unfriendly
town from here to Mendocino. Moreover, here I have marks, and here you can call
it intellectual or spiritual or whatever, from every diesel-trailed,
oil-slicked, mud-flatted, white-lined, white-broken-lined, two-laned, no
passing , hard-bitten, steam-fooded truck stop from here to Frisco as well. So
don’t tell me I haven’t paid my dues. <br />
<br />
Or it could have been some smoke-filled,
nicotine-plastered walls in some long defunct coffee house (when smoking was
<i>de rigueur</i>), or some gin-sweated, smoke-fogged Cambridge bar
(in the days when smoking was allowed), listening to some local group trying to
make it out of town, one way or another. Or it could have been being
chained-smoked cigarette (ditto above) writing like crazy, every soul thing,
every non-soul thing, every anti-soul thing after passing on the last call
train out to the sticks at that old reliable, just don’t have the eggs
scrambled Hayes-Bickford, where we all believed that if you just spent enough
nights, enough hot, heavy-aired July nights, or enough snow-bound, frost-bitten
January nights (this before Super Bowl suspense filled in January) maybe
something major would come out, and maybe fame, big fame too, fame etched by
the gods. <br />
<br />
Hey, did I tell you how I got here, got here to
ocean-winded Maine, this time that is? Did I forget that in my frenzy to tell
you what is? Yah, I guess I did forget reading back. Let me tell you of my
dreams, or at least the story of my dreams to make it right, okay? One recent, sweat-drenched
night I woke up, or was I woken up by one of the cats, in a start. I had a
weird old dream, or maybe just a flash of a dream, where I saw, in living,
livid color a big old beautiful high white note floating, free and easy, as you
might guess on a very stormy high white wave. After than flash, if that is what
it was, I could not get back to sleep and lay there, soaking a little and
trying to soak off that soaking with an old bedraggled railroad man’s roaring
red handkerchief. Or that is at least what I call them ever since I first saw a
railroad guy walking down the line when I was a kid, carrying one in the left
back pocket of his dirt-stained denims as he uncoupled one train from another,
maybe sending it into the great western night. <br />
<br />
But we have already been into that great Western
night, or what I think is my idea of the great Western night so I don't know
how it figures in the meaning of this dream. It is really bothering me, and it
should because, lately, I have been thinking and thinking hard about that very
subject. The relationship between the two. No, it did not just come out of the
blue, come on now, you guys know better than that. Ain’t you read Freud, or his
acolytes or renegades, these things all have secret meanings of their own. But
no surprise if you think about it. I have been thinking about the high white
note for a while, ever since I read poor old, black, gay, exiled against his
will, writer James Baldwin and his infernal short story, <i>Sonny’s
Blues</i>. <br />
<br />
You know I really should make you read the whole thing
and then you could come back and get an idea about my dream, or the thought of
what my dream was all about. And then the great Western trek into the night,
hell in the day time even, would make a great deal more sense. But I am going
to let you off the hook this time and just tell you that old “Sonny” is a story
about brothers, and I have been thinking about that too lately, although not in
the friendly, gee I should get back in touch with my own brother sense, but
about brothers who drifted back and forth in each other’s lives until one day
the reality set in hard and hard was that Sonny, a high white note-seeking jazz
pianist really got high on the white note. Busted, busted hard, busted back to
clean but busted and his brother, would you know that it was his big brother,
had to help him put back the pieces, even though the pieces were what made
Sonny interesting and alive. That's me, living on old sweet, sweet dream of
that white note, and, as well, Angelica-ish-driven memories of that old time
blue-pink night before I go.