“Once Again on North Adamsville Fourth Of July" And No Fireworks Of The Good Kind Around -With Elvis' " I Forget To Remember To Forget" In Mind
By Frank Jackman
Professor Loring, oh, I won’t be formal, Linny, if I recall
I think I saw a photo of you in the Magnet
[school yearbook] one time as a member of the Russian Club. [In those red scare
Cold War days after Sputnik and a rise in tensions in relationships at critical
points, like with the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962, it was not at all clear
whether we would not all be speaking Russian after everything was said and
done. Apparently some students, including Melinda, wanted a running start.] And
I think some place I read that you were a Russian history major or something
like that so you probably remember the samizdat movement where the dissidents
had to speak in strange Aesopian phrases or say things in a certain way to
express themselves. [Of course Sam knew both that she had been in the Russian
Club and had been a history major, although not Russian history since they had
spent many a pillow talk night discussing just such matters, Jesus. The
“samizdat” reference is a beauty since even I had forgotten the term since the
demise of the Soviet Union and the word had become something of an anachronism,
double Jesus.] That is what this classmate website seems like sometimes since
many times short replies are necessary, etc. I think of how strange it is that
we are Message Forum #74 and 75 as I answer this and are right next to each
other in cyberspace although we live very far apart from each other. It’s a
great tool to have though. [A reference to her posting that old time 4th
of July photograph that wound up next to a reply he was making about some
aspect of his 4th experiences. Laced as well with some Sam symbolic
cosmic meaning that I still have not quite figured out and did not want to ask
about since I did not need another six hour run on that “written in the stars”
theme he was ambling on about between shots of high-shelf whiskey.]
Needless to say I am very happy that Professor Garland, I
will use that designation here, has read my Fourth of July sketch and I am also
very happy that you shared that photo of you and the Norfolk gang from back in
the day although now with sadness. [Norfolk Melinda’s growing up section of
North Adamsville.] Were we ever that young? I wish I had some photos from then.
About that July 4th sketch I have been telling everybody they should
go back and re-read the dedication though because I have changed it some.
[Sam had made yet another fatal mistake by including a
fetching, yes, fetching photograph of Laura with an inscription about how she
had stood by him as his “best friend” which he had placed in the site prior to
seeing Melinda’s placement of her California photograph. He had quickly deleted
Laura’s photo in some kind of frenzied reaction to what her reaction might be.
By the way the word “fatal,” is Sam’s term whenever I use it here and was based
purely on his speculation as noted previously since Melinda has not said word
one to him since that awful highway parting, I have my own terms for his dizzy
schemes.]
Maybe if you have time you could write a little something
expanding on what was going on in the photo you posted. You know what events
took place, did you have tonic [soda] and ice cream and so on. Or you could
write about anything like the nice thing you wrote about Miss Hooker.
I know from your In
Memory contribution to Alice Hardy (also for Corrine and Linda) that you
were great friends. [All three, now deceased, had been on the float that posted
Melinda photo.] Funny because as you know she was very much into photography at
some point. I actually have a photo that she had taken some time ago of the North
Adamsville Yacht Club that I am looking as I write this message that somebody
had bought and had given me. [Guess who that somebody might have been, triple
Jesus.]
I also noticed that you updated your profile page and placed
a couple of photos of you and your longtime friend and our fellow classmate Donna
Mario out in California celebrating your birthday. Belated best wishes. [Like
he hadn’t already sent those previous private e-mails saying the same thing.] Funny
I was out in California last month on business, San Francisco. I had wanted to
go to Big Sur but things did not work out for one reason or another so I only
got as far as Pacifica. I know I sure would like to get to Big Sur some time
since I am crazy for Jack Kerouac these days and I recently saw a film
adaptation of his book Big Sur by
that name. [Of course he and Melinda were to go to Big Sur after they visited
Donna on that projected trip.]
By the way both of you look very nice in those photos. I
would say “hot” but I don’t think members of the 68 club that you and I are now
in (although not Kathy, right?) are supposed to say such things. [Saying things
like “hot” which I suppose could mean “sexy” as well are part of what got him
before the lord high executioner, the site webmaster. Jesus you would think,
hell, I would think if I was a, ah, “mature woman,” that if anybody, even and
old geezer like Sam said I was hot that would make my day. Actually if any
women said that to me it would make my day.] Especially to people they don’t
know very well or haven’t seen in a long time. [Humility itself here, Sam.]
Someone on site says aging sucks and I agree. All the aches
and pains gathering like a storm I know you must feel that way after that hip
surgery you had. BTW I hope you have recovered fully and are okay.
I hope you are going to the prom, oops, it feels like a prom
the way things are going, I mean reunion. [The way Sam explained this one was
that since neither of them had gone to the senior prom they were, in sunnier
days, planning to use the reunion as the prom. Fair enough.] Please write stuff
here if you have some time. Regards, your fellow classmate. Sam Lowell”
[Honestly I had to re-read this screed a couple of times to
figure out how anybody would figure out what he was referring to who was also
not equipped with a Rosetta Stone or some such ancient deciphering tool, much
less see the damn thing as a love letter, coded or not. Actually my first response
had been-what the f- -k and then I started laughing at the almost sophomoric
way, yes sixteen-ish way, he was thinking. I held off for a while in telling
him that though. When I did mention the flim-flam of the thing he too broke
into laughter, but I felt bringing the matter up was a close thing.]
That Message Forum note
elicited no response from Melinda.
Then Sam got the bright idea to make a “cute” comment about how
sexy the two women looked in that earlier posted photo by Melinda. [Apparently
you can make comments under the photos which is where Sam said he placed the
remarks. That is both open to public (class public) view and cannot be deleted,
except by the webmaster.
“Well Dan McNulty [an ex-football player and flame of Donna
according to Sam] may have lost a step, may have become a little modest in his
old age, maybe has played too much golf or something, I don’t know. I will be a
little forward though since I am in a flirty mood today. From where I sit
whether you are partial to dark–haired, brown-eyed, ruby-red-lipped women
[Donna] or favor light brown-haired, pale blue-eyed, no lipstick ones [Melinda]
they are “hot.” 16 or 68 (is Donna 68 yet?) Is anybody going to argue with me?
I think not.”
[Yes, very definitely that would put a bug in the ear of
somebody who was not speaking to a guy, who was pretending not to know him.
This comment has trouble all over it and you do not need a Rosetta Stone to
figure that out. Sorry Sam, that’s the bitter truth, and that is a sophomoric
mistake if I ever saw one.]
That posting brought down the “cops,” the webmaster Delores. It
seems (although Sam is still not sure of the exact story since we know Melinda
has never spoken or written to him since she dumped him) that she took umbrage
at Sam’s remarks and got in touch with Delores who read Sam the riot act about
appropriate behavior on the site threatening bloody murder if he did not stop
bothering Melinda.
That “snitch” (and here I agree with his classification of the
deed being an old-time corner boy myself) to the “cops” was the end for Sam. A
boyhood corner boy like me, a working-class corner boy who had followed a
certain code established seemingly from time immemorial did not countenance
squealing, not for this silly stuff. Snitching to anybody but certainly not to
authorities of whatever degree. Sam wrote one last personal e-mail to her
commercial e-mail address (he had been warned not to use the class site to
contact her by the “cops”) with a very cutting e-mail finally giving up the
ghost of that relationship. [I am being polite here using the term “cutting.” I
turned red when I read his draft although there was nothing obscene in the
thing but any normal person might have avoided the word “bloated” to a mature
woman or low-rent to anybody. Worse, far worse, even mentioning Laura’s name to
“seeing red” Melinda.]
“Melinda-Laura was right. You are turning into vicious bloated
old hag. I should have listened to her. Six month later and we are reduced to
this. I was only trying to be friends with you. Now I finally see the light.
For the first time I am glad that you dumped me. Now I can write you off as the
latest chapter in the low-rent continuing saga of the North Adamsville bummer
that has followed my life. I have had enough.”
[Nothing more need be said by me.]
Moreover, since in the communications between him and
Delores seemed to him to have cast him
as some kind of lonely-heart “cyberspace” stalker of an older woman, he set Delores
straight about what had been what was going on between Melinda and him since it
was apparent that she was taking Melinda’s side or assuming Melinda’s case was
clear-cut. (Melinda used Delores as an intermediary and did not communicate
with him directly also not good form from an old corner boy perspective.) Delores
had threatened to kick him off the site and made other remarks that indicated
to him that she was not getting the whole story so he felt he had to lay his
cards out on the table. Here is Sam’s part of the e-mail traffic around this
controversy since he does not have Delores permission to use her name and the
messages are pretty straight forward anyway:
“Delores- Finally on this whole mess-or as you say trying to let
it die a quiet death part of this whole flare-up with Melinda from NH (I don't
know who else would be complaining and do not need to know since everything
else is I think straightened out between you and me) was my attempt to be
friends or civil for a reason. [Delores did not initially identify who was
complaining about what Sam had written but since Melinda’s photos were the only
ones where he placed a message he identified her.] Melinda has said on her
profile page that she intends to go to the reunion. I obviously am going and so
I was trying to smooth things over since the way things were left
between us (and probably for her as well) was not good. My long-
time companion Laura has been talking about wanting to go the
reunion. So you can see where things were heading.
I was using Melinda’s posted photo of her and Donna (and a Message
Forum message which you deleted) in what appears to be an ill-advised
effort to break the ice since I didn't want to have a bad evening filled with
tension, etc. for either of us but, frankly, mainly for me. I am sure that
this information is far more than you need or want to know but Melinda could have
e-mailed me at my Comcast address as she has it (as I have hers so I would
not have to make that one NA64 e-mail if I thought she would answer the
Comcast one) rather than put you in the middle. That is apparently how bad
things are between us. Hopefully all this will have died its proper death by
September but who knows. (Maybe we can hire another ballroom at BW for all
the estranged ones). So that is the inside story and I am sure you understand
that this information is between you and me in case Melinda contacts you for
some reason. At least you have my part, or part of my part of the story.
I will not try to contact her again in any case (or make comments on her page
except maybe vanilla stuff if she posts something like the photo of Norfolk July
4th 1962 like I would with anybody. Yeah, 16 or 68
relationships are hard to figure. Later "oh great dudette
webmaster" -Thanks for your input and actually your help as well-the
Dude (or is it dud)-Sam”
And then:
“Delores- I just sent you an e-mail detailing what I was trying to
do. I have not sent any e-mails on the class website so I am
not what you are talking about. If it is about Melinda then I have
explained my situation and will say yesterday that I sent one last Comcast
e-mail to her [that one with bloated, low-rent and Laura in it] which I do not
know whether she has received or not. If it is somebody else then let me
know who because I have not sent any female classmate a message either on the
site or through my own personal Comcast-mail. Why would anybody including Melinda
put you in the middle like this? If it is Melinda she has no right to
cause me problems with you or the site when she has my e-mail address. If
she has a problem which I think I addressed yesterday then she can e-mail or
write me. This is all will say for now until you explain better what is going
on. I was startled by your message to be honest. This has
to straightened out and let's get it done today if possible.”
And yet again [after another e-mail from Delores complaining that
Sam had not stopped using the class e-mail system to contact Melinda as she had
requested]:
“Delores
- I have not posted anything on Melinda’s page since Thursday I think
which you deleted-so I am not sure what is going on with this. I have
just sent another e-mail to you and will wait on your response but
what the heck is going on here and why are you being put in the middle of
a personal dispute. And why am I being put in the middle here through you by
somebody I cared about and think highly of in my apparently ill-advised attempt
to smooth things over. I said before 16 or 68 it does not get easier. Later Sam”
“And then after several hours of getting
enraged, bitter, and in order to defend himself and what he was about this
e-mail:
“Delores-the more I think about it the more I
think you should know some facts about whatever is wrong between Melinda and
me. That “threatening to throw me off the site” and the way you emphasized that
point about not e-mailing female classmates (really Melinda) and your “scary”
reference has me feeling you should know some facts that she has, or has not,
related to you. The way you presented the situation to me was like I was some
lonely-heart cyberspace “stalker”
preying upon some older woman from out of nowhere- I will present some other
facts that you should weigh. For better or worse at least until this is settled
you are in the middle- I am sorry for that since I consider you the heart and
soul of NA64 and a fine person who should never have to deal with this.
1-Melinda is not some faint-hearted female but
a very strong, assertive person who should be able to deal with this situation
on her own. Christ this is all about e-mails, comments and stuff not some abuse
thing. That strength was part of my attraction to her.
2. In our good days we would exchange about six
zillion e-mails a day so this whole e-mail thing is rather strange since before
this past week when I e-mailed her once on site (saying I missed her
basically), put a comment on her profile page (basically telling she was “hot”
and hoping she was doing well) and wrote a reply to her on the MF (which I sent
to you earlier) and a cutting Comcast e-mail yesterday before she called our
affair off in early April I had sent her exactly two e-mails –one to ask her to
be friends, the other a couple of weeks ago sending birthday wishes.
3. Who do think was the person who cared for Melinda
a lot up in NH when she had her hip surgery in Feb/March?
4. Who do you think encouraged her to write the
Ms Hooper article and her painful parts biography on her profile page.
5. This one will be ironic now-who got mad when
I called a classmate “hot” in a personal e-mail which I did not include her.
6. Why do you think I picked the recent Melinda-Donna
photo from CA. Originally her and I were supposed to go see Donna in June to
celebrate Melinda’s birthday-so that did not come out of nowhere. Also we were
to go to Big Sur.
7. I am not altogether even now sure of the
exact reasons why Melinda decided to split up with me because she refused to
see me in person after she made her decision. I know a couple of things around
our last meeting but the deeper reasons escape me.
8. I had actually told Laura, my off and on
companion of 30 years, that I was leaving her and our shared house together for
Melinda when she decided to call our thing off. Laura and I are still trying to
work something out but we are not living together right now.
9. I still hold Melinda in high regard and
still think she is one of the most interesting woman I have ever met. I have
had enough though and told her so yesterday in a cutting way because she should
have just sent a damn e-mail back in May to say definitely that she did not
want to be friends.
10. I probably still am heart-broken that
things did not work out but like the rest of our generation or most of it I
will get over it.
You can show Melinda this if you want. At this
point you can share it with anybody you want but there are two sides here and I
will not be made to look like a fool/maniac/weirdo just on her say so. Later Sam”
Delores, a good woman and wonderful webmaster, now caught in the
middle of something she did not want to be caught in the middle of, e-mailed Sam
back and said “let’s drop the thing.” He agreed and agreed to not contact
Melinda on site. And that is the end of
the story. Oh well, knowing Sam, actually knowing him much better now than in
the old days when we were more like nodding acquaintances he had one more thing
to get off his chest. (The “nod” for those not in the know was that slight tip
of the head, or hand, that let another guy that was not your corner boy, or somebody
you played sports with or had in one of your classes, know that he was okay
with you, that if the chance came up you would be friendly toward him so a very
important social distinction, especially if a guy did not nod you up)
Obviously Sam had taken seriously his attempts to help organize
the reunion, help too to try to exorcize some of those childhood North
Adamsville demons but the whole flap with Melinda had left a bad taste in his
mouth, make him think as he said in his parting shot at her that she was “one
more North Adamsville bummer experience” in his life. That factor and the fact
that the number of classmates who had signed up was relatively small meant that
he would be unable to avoid her at the reunion. So he sent Delores the following
e-mail explaining, among other things why he would not be going go to the
reunion come September:
“Delores-
When I started thinking about the reunion last year, got interested in it, and
in helping to organize it one of my motives was to erase some of the negative
stuff about my experiences in North Adamsville when I was a kid. Apparently
after 50 years that negative stuff will not go away. All of this is getting
wearisome-apparently as Thomas Wolfe put in the title of one of his books-You Can’t Go Home Again. Nothing to do
with you and the great job you have done as the heart and soul of NA64 and the
website. And a fine person in a trying job as well.
On
that last Message Forum thing I think we crossed messages or something because
I see that you have deleted yours. Naturally I will delete mine since it makes
no sense now by itself. [A reference here to a question somebody on the Message
Forum asked about why Sam did not discuss much about his post-high school
experiences in reply to which he noted that he found no groundswell of
classmates clamoring to learn about his marriages, job history, afflictions,
addictions, and predilections. I laughed when I read that not having realized
that he was a funny guy during all of this heartache stuff.]
However
I think, without asking me, you were wrong to delete that second
paragraph. That was not a reference to
Melinda who I did not “meet” on this site but on the Facebook event page that I
created last fall before I knew we had this site when we were both looking for
reunion information. That was another classmate who I had English with in the
old days and who I was (and am) in communication with. I have tried to be a little more sensitive on
identifying others since that flap over Melinda a couple of weeks ago. BTW I
don’t believe that Melinda is a better writer than me, I would say about equal,
although I agree that she would writer a shorter piece. But these days I am not
sure that she would be straighter. Not everything in this world is about Melinda,
not now, not by me. I am having enough
trouble getting back on track with Laura.
All
of this brings up the main point of this e-mail reply. Since that Melinda flap
a couple of weeks ago and looking at the way that the reunion is shaping up as
a small event as of today where it would be difficult to avoid her I have done some thinking and for my own
benefit I am now not planning to go to the reunion. I don’t need another NA-related
bummer even if only for one evening. I am giving you this information so that
you can either give my ticket to somebody who needs it or use the money as a
donation to the fund being set up. As
always thanks for your work. Later Sam”
I
will not be going either not out of solidarity with Sam but because I never
intended on going after that first flurry on Sam’s part to get me to go. And that is the end of the story, finally. But at 68 Sam still
has that heartbroken feeling of a schoolboy of 16. Join the club, brother, join the club.
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