***Those Oldies But Goodies…Out In The Be-Bop ‘60s Song Night- Betty Everett’s “It’s In His Kiss”-The Hallmark Channel Should Have Hired Her As Technical Adviser
By Sam Lowell
[For those not in the know of late I have been in a so-called running battle with devotees of the Hallmark Channel especially of late with their never-ending 24/7 Christmas programs which started back around Halloween, I think. I have attempted, humorously attempted I thought before the daggers came out, to give some “guidance” the scriptwriters, if there are scriptwriters and the whole thing is not done on autopilot as I will describe below, about taking some cues from Hollywood about the pacing and “sexing up” of romance-etched films.
Those tongue in cheek efforts have resulted in a firestorm of indignant responses (I am being kind here) from the demographic that lives and dies by these annual feel good tear-in-the-eyes productions from the channel. Productions which are only outdone by some of the greeting cards they have put out for the last million years. I won’t bore the reader with what most of the irate devotees had to say but go to the “source.” The source being one Laura Perkins, my long-time companion and fellow writer at this publication these days, who lives and dies by these shows seemingly like I said before from about Halloween. She has cut me to the quick with remarks starting from mild “heartless” to “lacking in manly virility and understanding (ouch!)” to the sullen maybe I should go into “Babylonian captivity” meaning exile, or worse, for the duration at least.
Yet if anything this onslaught has resolved me to fight the good fight for social reality and more compelling fare on television and the movies. A fight I have been fighting for the last forty some years as a film critic/editor at a million publications, including various free-lance stints. Let me run down the gist of these Christmas-etched productions since I have accumulated a wealth of experience by osmosis having to work from home occasionally with one of these episodes as background. Generally, the lead female actor, and it is always centered on the anguished fate of some young twenty something white professional female, is heading to her snow-flake filled suburban, small town growing up hometown (No Los Angeles, Miami, New Orleans locales need apply although the young woman may have fled the big city). That anguished part mentioned above is that she has either dumped or been dumped, or is ready for either, with some wrong gee guy as the foil (no young women need apply at least not for the lead).
At home she inevitably warms to the hometown Christmas spirt she loved as a child before going out into the big wide indifferent world. And, a big “and,” she runs into, or is run into, by hometown Mr. Right whom she dumped in high school or ignored. That becomes the central play as they draw closer, close enough to attempt to grab an errant kiss, or kisses before the finale. The finale is always that consummated kiss (and nothing else). No silky sheets, lust or cheap motels. Nada.
And you wonder why I mentioned that Betty Everett could have been a technical advisor here, spiced things up. Yes, indeed. Even Laura might grant that I am onto something here. S.L.]
It’s In His Kiss- Betty Everett
Does he love me?
I wanna know!
How can I tell if he loves me so?
(Is it in his eyes?)
Oh no! You need to see!
(Is it in his size?)
Oh no! You make believe!
If you wanna know
If he loves you so
It’s in his kiss!
(That's where it is!)
(Oh yeah! Or is it in his face?)
no girls! It's just his charms!
(In his warm embrace?)
no girls! That's just his arms!
If you wanna know
If he loves you so
It's in his kiss!
(That's where it is!)
yeah!! It’s in his kiss!
(That's where it is!)
Oh, oh, oh, honey !
Squeeze him tight!
Find out what you wanna know!
promise love, and if it really is,
It's there in his kiss!
(How 'bout the way he acts?)
no no no! That's not the way!
You're not listenin' to all I'm sayin'!
If you wanna know
If he loves you so
It's in his kiss!
(That's where it is!)
Oh, yeah! It’s in his kiss!
(That's where it is!)
Oh, oh, oh, hold him !
Squeeze him tight!
Find out what you wanna know!
promise love, and if it really is,
well It's there in his kiss!
(How 'bout the way he acts?)
no no no! That's not the way!
You're not listenin' to all I'm sayin'!
If you wanna know
If he loves you so
It's in his kiss!
(That's where it is!)
Oh, yeah ! It’s in his kiss!
(That's where it is!)
mmmm ! It’s in his kiss!
(that's where it is)
mmmm is in his kiss
Well everyone knows by now that Jenny Dolan and John, John O’Connor, the running back gridiron hero of the North Adamsville football team, the one who almost single-handedly won them their state class championship are postponing their plans to be married now that John has been given a football scholarship to Boston College. See the love-bugs want to wait to see how that pans out, and besides they have each other through thick and thin so to wait is no big deal. But just in case that is not in the cards they are together more these days and so John is not to be seen around Salducci’s Pizza Parlor as much as in his old single days, or even as much as in his “married” days, the days since he and Jennie became an item a couple of years back.
For that matter Frankie Riley, the leader of the pack, hasn’t been seen lately either, ever since his 247th “break-up" with flame, Joanne, Joanne Doyle. That can only mean one thing; old Frankie is out catting around before Joanne reins him in again. And Chrissie knows, Chrissie McNamara knows damn well that Frankie is on the prowl because about twenty minutes after he got his “walking papers” from Joanne this time he was on the phone to Chrissie seeing if she was ‘available.’ “No dice,” said Chrissie and not because she wasn’t interested in Frankie. A lot of girls were, a little. Except “ball and chain” Joanne history meant that this was just Frankie lark time. Besides Chrissie and Joanne had been friends longer than Joanne had known Frankie and Chrissie liked Joanne, which is not what you could say about most girls who knew Joanne. But this is not about Joanne and so it need not be gotten into here.
What needs to be gotten into though is why Chrissie is ambling into Salducci’s Pizza Parlor at ten o’clock at night, a Thursday school night ten o’clock all by herself. Well, it ain’t for the pizza, although the way Tonio, the zen master pizza maker and owner of the parlor, makes those pizzas slather and slither is worth coming in for almost any time. And it ain’t for Peter Paul Markin’s company, no way, not for a long time. Peter Paul is “holding down the fort” just now while his “boss” Frankie is, as is already known, out catting around. He probably already has made a note, a mental note, that Frankie for the 27th time has “struck out” with Chrissie and so maybe she wants his company. No way, no way that way, anyway. Peter Paul and Chrissie have gotten friendlier, or Chrissie has, ever since Peter Paul started getting into the be-bop folk music scene now growing by leaps and bounds in Boston. They actually went to some coffeehouse over on Joy Street in Boston one night with Frankie and Joanne. The latter pair couldn’t wait to leave (probably because Frankie’s calling card, flannel shirt, jeans, work boots, and yah, midnight sunglasses didn’t raise an eyebrow. Half the guys in the place looked just like him, except maybe the sunglasses). But Chrissie and Peter Paul thought it was fantastic. Just no romance, no way, got it.
What does have Chrissie’s attention is one James Joseph Kelly, Fingers Kelly, who is sitting right next to Peter Paul at the moment. Now Fingers Kelly used to have the moniker of "Five Fingers" Kelly and for the squares out there that meant he was a clip artist and for the real squarey squares that meant he took things from stores…without paying. In other words he swiped things. But a couple of juvenile court appearances and some manhandling by James Joseph Kelly, Sr. shorten his moniker to Fingers, fast. Now what Chrissie wants to talk to Fingers about is why, why just a couple of hours ago, did Fingers state to the best of his recollection that he did not want to see one Christine Anne McNamara on Saturday night. And on that night take her to the annual North Adamsville High School “Hi-Jinx” dance.
Now Fingers, Fingers Kelly, is wise enough to the ways of the world, to know that if he doesn’t grab Christine Anne McNamara with both arms when she is “after” him then some other guy (or guys) will be more than happy to do so. See Chrissie, besides being the head cheerleader at North is nothing but a fox. And Frankie, Fingers, hell even Peter Paul know this fact. Tall, brownish blonde hair, a few freckles, nice legs, and a very nice personality (has to be if Peter Paul thinks so) to go with that physical description. And she is interested in lots of things besides corn-ball cheer leading like that folk music stuff that was just mentioned. But Fingers has the freeze on for her.
Fingers is not bad looking, kind of tall, somewhat athletic (you had to be in his former career), not bad to talk to, but is nothing if not just an okay guy. So the number one question, well, really the number two question after how many days will it be before Joanne reins her lover boy, Frankie, in, is why Chrissie is after Fingers so bad. And why Fingers, knowing what he knows about North Adamsville high school guys, is not waiting with bells on to take Chrissie to the dance. Well, you have not been paying attention on that Finger’s part (Chrissie we will get to in a minute). Finger, when he was Five Fingers, always had kale (cash, money, dollars, okay) and was not afraid to spend it. But in his new life as just Fingers he is broke more often than not. And see, he cannot go back to the five fingers way of life because one Senior Kelly will bop him good. And old Senior, while we are at it, is not lending sonny boy any dough (kale, okay) after forking out a ton of money to keep one James Joseph Kelly, Junior out of reform school. So that is the skinny, pure and simple. So if you have any loose change hanging around ship it over Finger’s way, and thanks.
Now Chrissie is another matter. As already mentioned Fingers is okay but just okay so it has to be something else. And it ain’t dough (although she does not know that Fingers is broke, totally broke). And it ain’t the no car for a Saturday night date. She said that she would borrow her father’s car. Even Peter Paul is puzzled by this situation and usually he is clueless about such “high” romance. The only thing anybody has come up with is something that people noticed after Chrissie first’s heavy “parking” date (you know what that is right, nobody is that square) with Fingers (a double date because of Finger’s car-deprivation so it’s not what you think, not back seat all hands and twists sex stuff ). For a couple of days after that she was all dreamy-faced, all glowy and stuff. Humm.
Hint: For the serious squares, the clueless, and any parents, any generation think about the title here.
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